Wardrobe Malfunction: Why hi-tec undershirts are more trouble than they’re worth

While there’s been plenty of discussions about various helmet configurations over the past couple of years - aimed at reducing the number of concussions in the NFL - generally speaking, uniform components don’t play an outsized role in the game. In 2020, it feels like something has changed. Overpriced, polyester underwear is now a fundamental part of the pro sports, “wicking,” “cooling,” and otherwise revitalizing modern athletes through the power of amped-up evaporation.

And, that was all well and good, until players, including several on Washington Football Team, starting getting sloppy with their wardrobe preparations. It began in Week 1, where Antonio Gibson got roped in by Josh Sweat as Sweat did his best Weezer impression, unraveling Gibson’s mithril microfibers until, eventually, the garment would give no more, and Gibson was brought down by his skivvies.

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Also in Week 1, the elusive Kyler Murray was brought down by his indestructible undershirt, harnessed by the 49ers’ Kerry Hyder, shortening a potentially explosive scramble into a short-yard scamper.

Photo by Michael Zagaris/San Francisco 49ers/Getty Images

In Week 2, the Cardinals were again victimized by their unusually durable underwear. This time, it was Kenyan Drake, pulled down by a pursuing WFT defender who grabbed his elastic unmentionables, and cut his rush attempt short.

Week 3 brought the straw that broke this camel’s back. Myles Garrett, pulling Dwayne Haskins down short of the first down marker on third and 5 by the back of his breathables. That was it. I could take it no more.

I have no idea if this the extent of the t-shirt takedowns that have occurred in the NFL this year, but I can’t believe that it is. I’d ask those players (and coaches) on the WFT to please, please dispense with the indestructible underwear (or at least tuck the damn shirts in), in the hopes that we might be able to prevent even one more stalled drive, stumbling speedster, or tripped-up touchdown aspirant in this young season.