Illegal Notion: Hansel and Gretel

It’s a little-known fact that, in the original Brother’s Grimm story of Hansel and Gretel, Hansel and Gretel do not get lost in the woods. In fact, they are led into the woods and abandoned by a father that could no longer feed them and was tired of his wife’s nagging to rid their home of the two children. The kiddos then meet the devil and his wife in the woods, and end up tricking the devil’s wife into-no, not being pushed into the oven-but to being tied to a sawhorse which was meant for Hansel. The children then [REDACTED] and take all the devil’s money and return home to the father who abandoned them with wealth the family never dreamed of possessing. Why I am I telling this story? I don’t know. But let’s look a bit deeper…

The story is highlighting the dichotomy of the human spirit, with one side being selfish, conniving and evil, and the other one ridden with conscience, guilt and shame. The parents and the devil and his wife represent the two sides of the same characters. The controlling mother of the two children mirrors the devil’s betrothed who planned to tie Hansel down and kill him. The intentions of the parents and their dark alter-egos are the same; they want to rid their lives of the burden of their children. However, the way the riddance is contrived is differs between the two. The parents’ methods are to deceive; to ditch the children without blood directly on their hands. The second is a vindictive, malicious, and spiteful way to dispose of the pair. Again...WHY ARE YOU TELLING THIS STORY!?

Oh snap! I remember! Because the dichotomous parents are Bruce Allen and Daniel Snyder! We’ve seen both sides of the two men; at times showing their propensity to deceive, and at other times demonstrating their lust for vengeance in spiteful acts against anyone whom they perceive wronged them. The most recent twist in the Trent Williams saga paints an accurate picture of the entire situation. In the beginning, Bruce and Dan attempted to deceive the fans-and even Redskins employees-into thinking that Trent Williams would be back with the team and that the situation was all about the player’s inequitable greed. The team wanted to lead us out into the woods and drop us off, hoping we’d go away. But we haven’t. Trent Williams hasn’t either.

As the situation became more dire for the organization, Bruce’s alter-ego arose, and it was time for vengeance; for cruel, spiteful, low-rent actions to smear yet another employee and clean his hands from the fresh blood they’d been marred with. We’ve seen it before, so I don’t know why we didn’t expect it, but Bruce’s 48-hour ‘attempt’ to trade Trent Williams was a way to take a shot at Trent while trying to clean his own image. The stubbornness he showed by not trading Trent for a Browns’ first-rounder (a pick that will likely be in the top half of the round), is laughable, stupid, negligent, idiotic, unthinkable, and is overt malpractice. So, as the witch thinks inside his feeble brain, “What will I do to rid myself of this burden?” And he acted. He pretended he had been willing to trade Trent all along, and that no offer had been good enough for them...no one wanted the over-the-hill, injury-prone 31 year-old tackle anymore.

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Well, Bruce...it didn’t work. One of the children you dropped off in the woods months ago, and then attempted to murder just days ago, walked back into your building and held court for 18 minutes. Trent expressed love and admiration for teammates, Redskins’ employees, and the owner, leaving out only the training staff and...you, Bruce. When asked about repairing a relationship with you, Trent started to say ‘Nnnnaahhh’ but it trailed off and he simply said, ‘next question.’

Husband Dan, possibly just following his significant others’ orders, has to see that either side of his partner, whether it be deceitful or spiteful, has alienated fans, league executives, and now the only possible Hall-Of-Fame Redskin in his 20-year tenure. Dan Snyder isn’t going to sell the team. It’s Dan’s home, he wears the pants, and ultimately he allows Bruce to make the unfathomable decisions he’s making, but it is clearly Bruce who is driving the children into the woods, and Dan needs to rid himself of his destructive partner and bring those kids home...before it’s too late.

In all likelihood, Bruce will stick around and the pair will try to deceive us as they always have, leading us all into the woods, leaving some of us to starve while trying to rid themselves of others by more nefarious means. The two are too dense, too arrogant, too destitute of vision to possibly see the breadcrumbs that lead back to their home, where the problem truly lies. The fans, wronged employees, and league executives must keep leaving breadcrumbs that lead back to the wicked pair until previously unforced hands are forced. We must not bring back riches and forgiveness. We must return to their doorstep, as many times as it takes, with rational understanding to expose the truth and force action. Someday...someone...maybe...will have the pleasure of pushing that witch into the oven, ridding him from our lives for good. Who knows, maybe it will even be me and you! But...if it is me and you, I get to be Hansel (That Hansel’s so hot right now).