Did Kirk Cousins Just Strip-Tackle Bruce Allen?

When I woke up this morning, I wondered what kind of news could come our way that would cause me to shake off the feeling that can only be best described as “perma-groin-punch.” (In case this isn’t clear, it’s the feeling that someone is working your loins like a speedbag in a boxing gym.)

We got two such pieces of news today.

First, we got the story that Kirk Cousins won’t negotiate for a long-term deal as long as Bruce Allen is team president. This was followed by stories suggesting that Mike Mayock is the lead candidate to take over as Redskins GM.

Leave it to the Redskins to induce 24 straight hours of vomiting and then turn around and serve up a buffet table full of amazing treats the next day.

Before I comment on each of these stories, let me speak directly to my fellow fans on the matter of how in the hell we are supposed to bounce back from the last 24 hours. We will eventually learn more and more about what “actually” happened behind the scenes as time moves on, and we should all be receptive to the possibility our hero—Scot “McLovin” McCloughan—was not the angel we all believe him to be. That said, the Redskins have very, very, very little credibility at this point. Dan Snyder has lost more credibility than second-round picks over the years, and that is really saying something!

When we heard that Bruce Allen and Dan Snyder were jealous of McLovin’s popularity, we believed it because it was BELIEVABLE. When we heard that Bruce and Dan wouldn’t let McLovin lock up Kirk Cousins last year so as not to prove Mike Shanahan right, we believed it because it was BELIEVABLE. By the same token, when rumors circulated that McLovin was hitting the sauce more than an employer would like, it was believable but the mere fact it was Bruce Allen and Chris Cooley spreading it out there as some kind of party line made it hard to believe...because the organization has insanely low credibility.

It sucks to feel this way about your favorite sports team—your chosen escape from the some of the crappier realities we all face in life. When your team is led by a guy who has spent 20 years engaging in this kind of impetuous and petty behavior, it is not unfair at all to assume that he is ultimately responsible for the nasty state of affairs. Dan Snyder has to own that. If he is angry at fans for being angry at him, things are just going to get worse. If Dan Snyder ever tries to throw our frustration back in our faces because he manages to find a truck full of enough money to lure a solid personnel guy here (keep reading), he will only end up having to remove more seats out of FedEx. At some point, Dan Snyder would be wise to issue a statement addressing the frustration of fans and attempt to somehow commiserate with them—and this is not about giving us details about McLovin. It is about coming clean about the way business has tended to be handled during his stewardship of the team, and committing to getting better. It won’t satisfy most fans, but it would be a start.

I woke up today wondering if anything could change my mind...if anything could make me care enough to write today...and then I read Kirk was stonewalling Bruce. Did we just become best friends?

Listen, this move serves Kirk’s long-term interests as well as any move he could make. If we all know one thing, it’s that men like Dan Snyder do not respond well to ultimatums. Kirk and his agent must know this too, and drawing the line in front of Bruce Allen just made me jump out of my chair. Kirk might not want the long-term deal, so by drawing this line and forcing Dan Snyder to dig in his heels, he may have inched himself closer to Kyle Shanahan. (It still says here that we tag Kirk again next year.) Who among us isn’t a bigger Kirk Cousins fan today?

As for Mike Mayock, let me see if I can put this in the right terms. Losing McLovin and gaining Mike Mayock is like losing Scarlett Johansson and gaining Mila Kunis. I have no idea what in God’s name would make Mike Mayock ever agree to work with Dan Snyder, but if it happened, this would officially be the most volatile week in Redskins history for me. When I went to bed last night, I was trying to figure out how I could get excited about free agents we signed and prospects we draft. If Mayock is calling those shots (hold your questions, please), I feel like it would be at least as good as if it was McLovin in the captain’s chair.

We will all want to know how the arrangement would look like, and where the power truly lies, but here is one thing I believe about Mike Mayock: he is the Chuck Norris of personnel men. If Bruce Allen ever crossed him publicly or privately, Bruce would be the one photographed walking a dog wearing Mike Mayock gear. I don’t think you would ever have a situation where Mayock would be second-guessed without the second-guesser getting drop-kicked to the face.

Last night, the question I received most was: “How did we get here?”

If this goes down, and we are able to find some happiness...won’t we be asking the same question? Weird...