clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

I think Therefore IM: No Diamonds, No Pressure

First, Alfred Morris departs to Dallas. Now, RG3 is a Cleveland Brown. Tough week for Redskins fans who watched these two players help Washington claim the NFC East in 2012.

This ain't no filler day. Kevin and I are still rusty, but today's news was able to give us a little fodder. Next week, we'll begin predictions...of all kinds.

Ken: Aside from a few naysayers, I think our return to this old bit was rather well-received. More than anything else, it continues to be representative of a large cut of the debate here in Redskins Nation. Who cares if you continue to be wrong after all these years?

Kevin: Yea, if your Redskins predictions were stock market suggestions, you'd be in $3 million in debt.

Ken: That Trung Canidate love was...uhhhh...unfortunate. (But he was AWESOME on my Madden team!) As for Keenan Robinson, he still has time. Someone asked me this morning which jersey has the best chance to still be active on the field in five years. This person clearly was wondering what to do with his Alfred Morris jersey. I had a couple of suggestions--€”most notably Tress Way and Brandon Scherff. If you were to buy a jersey today, who would it be?

Kevin: I remember vividly taking the escalators up with you at Fedex in 2009 and seeing a Cowboys fan wearing a Cowboys Suisham jersey (hot off the presses as we had just cut him). I asked him why he would ever buy a kicker's jersey. He replied, "To troll you m*therfu**as." So, I expect to see a LOT of Morris Cowgirls jerseys this fall in the parking lots. Why any woman would want to procreate with this people I'll never understand. As for a current jersey, I have two mentalities. If it's for pure fandom, I'd go with Chris Baker. The dude is hard worker, makes a difference on the field, and is a trip on social media. If the jersey purchase is for longevity, Tress Way is certainly a top choice. I'd probably go with Kerrigan since he's already got one foot in the door for the Ring of Fame.

Ken: I'm all about pure fandom, and therefore I love the Chris Baker call. I am not sure I could rock a punter jersey, but that is only because of your Mrs. Derrick Frost incident. And I haven't even gotten to the thought yet about the Cowgirl trolls at FedEx. Damn...you are so right about the Morris Dallas jerseys we are going to have to deal with this year at home. Let's move on to your new hood though. I have only been to Charleston, SC once and it was rather awesome. Do you already have your Redskins bar picked out yet? I assume it is all college football, all the time there, but I know when I was hanging out at Republic, one of the bartenders was from the DC area, and was happy to talk Skins. I think it will be different this year, but imagine how great it would have been over the years to leave a bar after a Redskins loss and head over to The Gin Joint or Proof to erase your memory.

Kevin: I've been in Charleston a little over a month now and of the 20 or so random people I have met at bars or boozy farmers markets, 75% have been from the DMV area. I was at very rowdy Molly Darcy's Irish pub for St. Patrick's Day and randomly a HTTR chant started with 6 dudes. I went over and sure enough I knew them through mutual Annapolis friends. Apparently, King Street Grille is a very rowdy Redskins bar on game days. For those that don't know it, it is a large, dive bar in the heart of downtown (aka Heaven on Earth). For those that don't know Republic, Ken's bar, it is a very douchey club with red velvet ropes and bros wearing boat shoes, duck shorts, and double popped collars.

Ken: For the record, I was in Charleston for two and a half days and I probably rocked more bars than you have been to since you moved there. Republic was great for lunch, and there was a bachelorette party right next to where I was sitting (for lunch) and the girls were spanking each other and tugging at each other's clothes...AT LUNCH!!! If that's "douchey", sign me up. We have to get back to the news of the day. Can you name one player that defected from either the Redskins or some other DC team to a bitter rival that felt as bad as Morris leaving to Dallas? I am taking two obvious ones off the table (by saying them first): Seeing BMitch and Lavar play on opposing NFC East squads sucked out loud. BMitch hurt the worst.

Kevin: There's a bachelerotte party in every bar in this town from 12pm-2am on Saturdays. Anyway, how you missed Art Monk deserves a groin kick. The ones that sting the most are the home grown players that leave us. Champ Bailey comes to mind though we did get something back. I think it'd be funny if we put a real tombstone at Fedex Field for that 2nd round draft pick Vinny threw in that deal. And I'd like to revise my previous jersey answer....Trent Williams.

Ken: I think that Trent was the most-seen active player jersey at FedEx last season, and I have zero problem with that. I think Scherff is a great jersey to get in on the ground floor with as well. Damn...Art Monk was just sitting there. Alright, so I waited until week 2 to ask this, but you have to give me your pre-draft Redskins prediction. We know the opponents and we know who's home and away. I'll give you an out this week--instead of giving me a record (if you really don't want to), then tell me who our best win and our worst loss will be against, and whether or not we are winning the East.

Kevin: It's hard to believe but the last time a NFC East team won back to back Division championships was the Eagles when they had that 2001-2004 run. There's nothing that scares me about any of these NFC East teams, especially with Jeff Lurie making roster decisions in PHI, the Giants being led by a (relatively) young head coach in a major market, and the Cowboys having a geriatric QB. The Skins schedule looks pretty generous as well for having finished first. I'll go Redskins 9-7, which is enough to win the NFC East again. After the draft, when we ogle all of our new shiny toys, I'm sure, like all fanbases, I'll add another 1-2 wins to my prediction.

Ken: Wait...we'll do more predictions next week. Time to tell Dr. Finklestein that we have whole new bag of issues: RG3 to the Browns. If you were ever wondering whether or not Griffin was for real in this league, the verdict just came in...he's a Cleveland Brown. A team that is coming to Washington this season by the way. Dear God.

Kevin: Yea, for QBs, Cleveland is the equivalent to being moved to hospice. I mean....if I'm the NFL, I make that a primetime game within the first 3 weeks of the season. His career will be over by week 9.

Ken: I don't even know how to bet that game. The Redskins should be going off--€”today--”as a double digit favorite. Yet time and time again, this is the game where we turn someone on the other team into a Hall of Famer. Ironic that we would be turning our own castoff into one...is ironic the right word? Soul-crushing might be better here. On one hand, you can't ruin Cleveland if you're RG3, but you can definitely get some Cleveland on you...and that simply does not come out, no matter how much bleach and holy water you use.

Kevin: The Redskins shouldn't be a double digit favorite on anyone ever although they did end the season with three straight 10+ point covers. There are some games I am very happy not to touch and that is one of them. In fact, betting Redskins for or against ever is a bad idea.

Ken: You remember draft night back in 2012? We did that draft party with the Ball Hogs? You, Keely and I...all-star podcast. I am pretty sure I did shots when they announced the pick and joined chants of R-G-3!! And now...he is a Cleveland Brown. Last night, I stared at my throwback Griffin jersey (a gift, though I am not arguing I wouldn't have bought one otherwise), and wondered what to do with it. I won't be burning it, or donating it, or trashing it. I am definitely keeping it. Just not sure what the hell for...

Kevin: It's like when you see a Redskins, Haynesworth jersey now....spectacularly, hilariously, awful. Your son will be able to wear that RGIII jersey at college parties and other people will get major kicks out of it.

Ken: If I could get Kirk to sign it though...that would make it immediately wearable! How should he address it?

Kevin: "All Out, Week 1"----Captain Kirk Cousins