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Can We Please Get Super Bowl Monday Off?

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We don't have our three-day Super Bowl weekend yet...but it's not far off!

Mike Windle/Getty Images

If we are going to beat the crap out of Kirk Cousins' impending contract negotiations and what to do with Alfred Morris, I am going to trot out another topic that has seen more than its share of air time.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CAN WE PLEASE...MAKE...SUPER BOWL MONDAY...A NATIONAL HOLIDAY?!?!?!?!

We have two Democratic presidential candidates and seventeen Republican contenders smothering the electorate with their messages of hope, hate, love and lies. Yet...who is the candidate that is ready to lead this country to a day off after one of the biggest party nights of the year? I am not exactly a single-issue voter, but this one could go a long way to locking up the Meringolo household.

We are never going to be able to depend on the NFL hooking us up and putting the big game on Saturday, which is every non-NFL fan's first suggestion. First of all, we all have to remember: the NFL doesn't give a squirt of piss about us. The Super Bowl stopped being about us a long time ago. Instead, it has turned into the biggest corporate boondoggle since Julius Caesar hosted the titans of Roman industry at the Colosseum. (To be fair, there are way more prostitutes at the Super Bowl.)

No, the NFL makes way too much dough putting on events for its deep-pocketed CEO crowd on Saturday night for it to ever consider moving the championship game. In fact, it is the greed of the NFL that will ultimately save us all. Here is what I mean:

Next week is a three-day weekend for most Americans, as President's Day lands next Monday. The third Monday in February is ALWAYS President's Day. We are just one week shy of it right now...we can almost taste it. Why not have the Super Bowl on President's Day weekend? (Take it easy car dealerships and furniture stores. I am not trying to steal your thunder. Feel free to continue to offer insane bargains.)

We know the NFL is DYING to add that extra week in the regular season. We know that whatever it wants, it gets, as the NFL is the corporate equivalent of the male lead from the movie "Sleeping With the Enemy." When that eventually happens, isn't it possible that everyone wins? (Well, everyone except the players, who have to suffer through one extra world-class beating so that we can all drink our faces off and sleep away Haynesworth-sized hangovers.)

My prediction: within three years, the Super Bowl will be played on the third Sunday in February as a rule, and we will all have our three-day Super Bowl weekend.

The only problem is...and I can't believe I didn't already think of this...imagine what kind of ratings this game would get on Monday Night Football!!! (Quick, are there any national holidays that fall on a Tuesday?)