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How To Invest Poorly: Bet On the Dallas Cowboys to Win Super Bowl 51

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The Dallas Cowboys are going off at 15-1 to win Super Bowl 51? You've got to be kidding me!

Scott Halleran/Getty Images

With Super Bowl 50 just days away, it seemed like the right time to roll out some Super Bowl LI odds (51 for any non-Romans out there). What blows me away is that the Dallas Cowboys are 15-1 to win it all next year. Huh? That is good for the FOURTH best odds!! They are on the same betting level as this year's juggernaut, the Carolina Panthers?!?!?

In an era of unprecedented banking woes, roller coaster stock market rides and general unrest in the financial sector, I find it wholly irresponsible to dangle the Dallas Cowboys in front of Americans as a 15-1 favorite to win the next Super Bowl. People need to be protected. Regardless of whether your name is Obama or Trump (irregardless even!), you know in your heart that there are few bets dumber than betting on the Dallas Cowboys to win the next Super Bowl. To those people lining up to make this bet, I say, "You are far better off spending that money on bedazzling another cowboy hat or pair of jeans...the very jeans your Emmitt Smith jersey is tucked into."

We're talking about a team that is the chemical equivalent of dynamite, stuffed with plastic explosive and wrapped with grenades. Dez Bryant and Greg Hardy on the same sideline is just...asking for it. On defense, Dallas was middle of the pack this past season. You can overcome that--if your quarterback isn't made of glass! When Tony Romo gets injured next season, you know who is taking over? Robert Griffin III!!! As much as I love RG3, I am pretty sure he isn't ready to lead a team over Carolina, Seattle or Green Bay in a conference championship. I base this on...you know...my eyes.

And don't even get me started on Jerry Jones and his funhouse.

I want to make sure and tip my hat to One.Cool.Customer for his work on these tables. It is not his fault that Vegas oddsmakers know exactly how to get people to make bets they should never, ever, everevereverever make.

ODDS TO WIN 2017 SUPER BOWL

Team

Odds

Team

Odds

New England Patriots

8 to 1

New Orleans Saints

40 to 1

Pittsburgh Steelers

10 to 1

N.Y. Jets

40 to 1

Seattle Seahawks

10 to 1

Washington Redskins

40 to 1

Green Bay Packers

12 to 1

Chicago Bears

50 to 1

Arizona Cardinals

15 to 1

Houston Texans

50 to 1

Carolina Panthers

15 to 1

Los Angeles Rams

50 to 1

Cincinnati Bengals

15 to 1

N.Y. Giants

50 to 1

Dallas Cowboys

15 to 1

San Franciso 49ers

50 to 1

Denver Broncos

20 to 1

Miami Dolphins

55 to 1

Indianapolis Colts

20 to 1

Philadelphia Eagles

55 to 1

Kansas City Chiefs

25 to 1

Jacksonville Jaguars

60 to 1

Minnesota Vikings

25 to 1

Oakland Raiders

60 to 1

Baltimore Ravens

30 to 1

San Diego Chargers

60 to 1

Atlanta Falcons

40 to 1

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

60 to 1

Buffalo Bills

40 to 1

Tennessee Titans

60 to 1

Detroit Lions

40 to 1

Cleveland Browns

200 to 1

Here is another table from OCC on recent Super Bowl participants and their level of success the following season:

Year Super Bowl Winner Next season Loser Next season
2015 XLIX (49) Patriots Conference Championship Seahawks Divisional Round
2014 XLVIII (48) Seahawks Super Bowl loser Broncos Divisional Round
2013 XLVII (47) Ravens missed playoffs 49ers Conference Championship
2012 XLVI (46) NY Giants missed playoffs Patriots Conference Championship
2011 XLV (45) Packers Divisional Round Steelers Wildcard Round
2010 XLIV (44) Saints Wildcard Round Colts Wildcard Round
2009 XLIII (43) Steelers missed playoffs Cardinals Divisional Round
2008 XLII (42) NY Giants Divisional Round Patriots missed playoffs
2007 XLI (41) Colts Divisional Round Bears missed playoffs
2006 XL (40) Steelers missed playoffs Seahawks Divisional Round
2005 XXXIX (39) Patriots Divisional Round Eagles missed playoffs
2004 XXXVIII (38) Patriots Super Bowl winner Panthers missed playoffs
2003 XXXVII (37) Buccaneers missed playoffs Raiders missed playoffs

(At 40-1 odds on the Skins to win it all next year...I CAN'T LOSE!!)