clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Hating With H8 (and SkinsNJ and jrhoo): New York Giants Edition

The Washington Redskins travel to New York this week to face Make-A-Wish winner Eli Manning and the Giants.

Noah K. Murray-USA TODAY Sports

Although the Redskins are riding high after a dominating performance against the St. Louis Rams, there is no time to rest on our laurels.

The Washington Redskins are facing a longtime divisional foe on a short week...which favors the Giants since Eli takes the short bus. The Skins have only four days to prepare for the Giants' vaunted 'Please-Don't-Score-Right-Here-Rashad' offense. Which, I have to say, is innovative. For all the talk of the NFL being a pass-first, quarterback-driven league, the Giants might really be onto something. Instead of scoring touchdowns, the Giants are actively avoiding them. And instead of playing defense with 10-point leads in the 4th quarter, just bend over and spread cheeks. This will be all the rage in 2016. Pro Football Focus will track the effectiveness of the 'Don't Score' offense with plus or minus JPP fingers.

For example, "This week Eli Manning had a 1st and goal on the Eagles 1-yard line. Instead of scoring a touchdown, Odell Beckham ate out some chick from Tinder, Eli Manning let a bug fly into his open mouth and Ben McAdoo thought about changing up his 'Minor league baseball player from 1993' haircut. PFF Grades the performance a + 3 nubs."

And since I'm icing up from last week's pretty much dead on prediction, I've got some friends coming off the bench. Basically like a Matt Jones and Alfred Morris 1-2 punch.

So, welcome your Hogs Haven comments section buddies SkinsNJ and jrhoo to this week's 'Hating With H8.'

From jrhoo:

​Ahh. Time to face off with the dumbest, goofiest of the Mannings.  Yes, the goofiest.  Think about that.  Eli looks even dumber than that guy with the forehead who sells crappy pizza on TV with his NFL jersey TUCKED INTO HIS JEANS.

At least having his dad and brother get him an NFL job took the sting out of not landing that role as Rusty Griswold in that Family Vacation movie.

Maybe he didn't read his lines with enough conviction.  "EYE OF THE TIGER SON"

Sigh*  No Eli, that just looks like a cat getting hit in the face with a squirt gun.

At least your cat impression looks grown up.  In the huddle, your human impression looks like a scared sixth grader at his first dance, trying to figure out how to talk to a girl.

"Dammit, not her Eli, she's your cousin.  I swear, every damn time...",  Said Peyton, furrowing his paleolithic brow.

Giants fans be like:
But... he's got TWO SB rings.

B*** please.   One of those games happened in early 2012.  Brady had a kid born in late 2012.  Get it yet?  Tom Brady actually used Eli as a pawn in an all out plan to get Gisele to have crazy, special occasion sympathy sex.

"It's called gamesmanship MFr.  If you aren't cheating..." -Tom Brady

I'd normally just say Skins 70-3, but I see that Tom turn-and-Coughlin's latest fun game is carrying a lead into the 4th just to blow it, leaving their fans with another week of Big BlueBalls.  Let's say... Giants whiff an extra point in the 3rd, give up a TD in the 4th.
Redskins win 24-20

From SkinsNJ:

Their season ticket holders are old as hell on average.  They've been passed down season tickets and are probably the most self entitled, lazy fans.  Nothing but bitching if they never have to pay more or when they had to switch to worse seats when they got the new stadium, even though their great grandfather probably paid 10 bucks for them initially.   They hate anything that's not a 1 pm Sunday game.  It's like a chore or they have a gun to their head for them to go to other games that aren't 1 pm. It's just the same fans that have been hanging around the stadium since the Bruce concert back in 85.

I went to the Skins and Giants game in 2012, lady behind me threw up all over herself, some guy went to throw beer on me landing on everyone but me.

The Stadium looks like an air conditioning unit. Too bad it doesn't blast out air to blow away the stench of New Jersey.

The best former player they can get for analysis is Carl banks.  LT can't be bothered, he's too busy touching kids the wrong ways.

Victor Cruz spent the off season appearing at car wash openings and taking acting lessons, and playing the role of an uninjured NFL player on 'Ballers', which is a bit of a stretch.  JPP-clearly there's a joke there, but I can't put my finger on it. The only Giants player we have to worry about stopping is this guy:

I’m sorry I gotta that confused, I meant this guy:

The Giants already have one Meriweather on the team, and trust me when I say this, because I watched him play for three years...HATED IT!