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Hating With H8: Miami Dolphins Edition

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The Miami Dolphins are the first team to feel the wrath of the new and improved Washington Redskins!

Brad Barr-USA TODAY Sports

Earlier this week I went to visit a new client of mine. When he came to the door to let me in I noticed he was wearing a Miami Dolphins polo, a really nice one. "Wow," I thought, "this will make for good small talk since I'm a big Redskins fan and we're playing in a few days."

"So, the Dolphins are looking tough this year, huh?" I asked.

"Oh. I'm really a Bears fan. I worked for our office in Miami and the Dolphins were one of our clients. The shirt was a giveaway."

That's the Dolphins. A corporate swag bag that happens to be filled with shit. And that bag of shit is set on fire and tossed on Bill Belichick's front porch, only for him to calmly stomp it out and go back inside. It's not really a surprise that the Dolphins were voted the worst fans in the NFL. I think that label is unfair though. Dolphins fans aren't the worst, they're just non-existent. Or maybe they're just stuck outside the stadium because they left early?

To be fair though, about 80% of those people are Cowboys fans.

"Real" Miami fans are feeling pretty good about themselves this year. And why wouldn't they? They made a free agent defensive tackle with a history of stomping people the highest paid defensive player in the NFL. I have literally zero evidence that this is a bad idea. Wait let me think...nope. I can't think of one instance of this backfiring on a team. Ever. Especially not with the Redskins.

In fact, according to a fan at the Phinsider, Suh's $114 million deal is a steal.

when you take a closer look, the Dolphins are really only investing an extra $1.5 million per year

Why, he's practically being paid like a practice squad player.

The Suh contract includes over $59 million in guarantee money (more than Calvin Johnson's $53 million) and a signing bonus of $25.5 million. That is close to $19 million per year they are committing to Suh which is a significant amount of cash to invest in one position especially on defense. However, in order to get an appreciation of the real impact of the contract, you have to look at the opportunity cost. What was the alternate?

The alternate? I don't know...maybe not signing like 1/5 of your cap space to Stompy McStomperson?

If the Dolphins don't sign Suh, they would sign Jared Odrick to a long term deal in the neighborhood of what he got with the Jaguars (5 years, 42.5 million or 8.5 million per year). In addition they would keep Randy Starks who was making $6 million per year. Both of those players combined would cost the Dolphins $14.5 million per year

There was literally a gun to the General Manager's head and he was FORCED to sign Suh. I mean, the Dolphins could have kept like 400 defensive linemen, but where is the value in that?

So by only investing an extra $1.5 million in the DT position, the Dolphins get a perennial all pro DT plus a promising young DT in Philips under contract for the next 4 years. They have upgraded their defensive line significantly and made it alot younger and more stable for the next 4 years. That is the definition of great management.

GREAT MANAGEMENT! In fact, if you order a Suh in the next 30 minutes, because I can't do this all day, we'll send another one free.

The Dolphins are the ultimate '@_Floridaman' team.

This guy asked for a Z-Pak because he "raw-dogged a hooker at the club." This was after he had been tased and arrested.

This is your star cornerback's birthday cake. I mean...

And the quarterback's wife forgets this in a rental car like it's a damn phone charger.

Add George Zimmerman as head of security and the whole organization will be complete.

Now, as far as the game goes, everyone seems to think Miami has this one bagged up. ESPN, Fox Sports, CBS Sports, Bleacher Report, yada-yada-yada all believe the Redskins are going to bend over and take this one, like a Brent Grimes birthday cake. But the Dolphins will be the ones who end up with icing on their face.

And Brent Grimes will be the one who needs a Z-Pak when DeSean Jackson leaves him burnt. Five catches for 148 yards and a TD.

Alfred Morris and Matt Jones? They'll combine for 200 yards rushing and 2 TDs, making Suh a bigger flop than Jeb Bush's presidential campaign.

Jordan Reed?

/googles Miami Dolphins linebackers

Well, never heard of any of them. Pencil Jordan in for 98 yards and 1 TD.

Redskins defense sacks Tannehill seven times.

Dolphins fans write fan post entitled "Is Ndamokung Suh REALLY Worth $19 million per Year...(But really it's only like $1.5 million if you understood OPPORTUNITY COST!)?"

31-13 Skins.