clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Redskins Preseason Games are the Best (Worst): Predictions

New, comments

Nothing like a misleading preview to a season that will inevitably be an unmitigated disaster.

Amber Searls-USA TODAY Sports

The Washington Redskins play an actual football game tonight (well, not an actual game, but like a fake game). Five months of embarrassment starts today. Things to expect tonight:

RG3 looking uncomfortable, handing off to Alfred Morris who will then be swallowed up at the line of scrimmage. This will happen twice.

On 3rd down, RG3 will throw an incomplete pass into the ground, out of bounds, or into the hands of the opposing team.

The team will then punt the ball, not without an illegal procedure penalty, just to make sure our punt team has plenty of room to let the receiving team make a 40+ yard return - oh and tack on a facemask to that because, hey, who needs to tackle when you don't even care if you win the game?

Our defense will take the field looking big and scary. Our front 7 will fare pretty well except for the multiple encroachment and roughing the passer penalties which will negate any stops they made.

I honestly don't think the Browns will have an incomplete pass for the entire game though, because the Redskins may not field a secondary at all. This kills the Redskins.

This series of events will repeat itself several times through the course of the game, just with different players.

The only positive of the night will come at the end of the game, when a no-name player who won't make the team, does something decent like make a 15-yard run or makes a tackle like an actual professional football player should.

Redskins 13 Browns 10

The city rejoices. I cut my wrists. Fin.

Game ball: Most obscure player possible.

Best play: When Gruden replaced RG3 with literally any other person after the first series.

Worst play: Drunk Browns fan storms the field and jukes multiple security guards. Nevermind, that was Johnny Manziel - automatically the best play.