Parodies (Having a Laugh)

Hating With H8: Philadelphia Eagles Edition

Chip Kelly made some really, really good off season moves. Those moves have been paying off big time for the Philadelphia Eagles. How many hundreds of points will the Eagles score against the Washington Redskins on Sunday?

By iH8dallas Oct 3, 2015, 4:00pm EDT

Well folks, we got a bit of a scare this week, all that talk about cancelling the game due to rain. Luckily Sam Bradford and RGIII walked outside and said they didn't feel any joint pain, so we're in the clear. Besides, if Hurricane Joaquin is traveling at the same clip as Hurricane DeMarco, it won't hit the Landover area until 2017.

But let's get serious for a minute and focus on the X's and O's of this game. The Eagles are a lot less UPPITY this season without LeSean McCoy, Brandon Boykin and Jeremy Maclin. And of course year two without DeSean Jackson. But DeSean was never going to thrive under Chip Kelly's offense anyway... DeSean likes hand signs, not picture signs.

These changes are really starting to show in the high-octane-do-it-the-right-way-don't-crip-walk-into-the-endzone offense. Who needs LeSean McCoy putting out party fliers for Club NTYCE (18 to chill, 21 to spill) when you have DeMarco Murray rushing for roughly the length of a city bus. And that's how Chip Kelly likes it, Murray going all the way to the back of the bus, then being told to sit down...for Ryan Mathews.

The Eagles' defense has played well this season, all things considered. And by "all things considered" I obviously mean this.

And I can tell you the problem with Sam Bradford this year. It's that big ass jersey. It's like the equipment manager forgot his jersey so the team had to stop and get one at Modell's, and the only size they had left was a XXXL. This fool looks like he's throwing 4-yard incompletions in a hockey sweater. Which would be fitting, because the Eagles offensive line is always on skates.

And two weeks ago every Marlboro Light smoking dumbass with a goatee wanted Chip Kelly to trade for RGIII. Eagles fans won't realize Chip Kelly is terrible until he goes through every quarterback in the Nissan Heisman House. "WE NEED TO TRADE FOR JOHNNY MANZIEL! HE'LL BE A BEAST IN CHIP'S SYSTEM!"

And would somebody get that chubby bastard who coaches the Eagles some chap stick? If a challenge flag is thrown on Sunday, I won't be able to stomach a split screen of this.