Looks Like Someone Has a Sixpack of the Mondays

1. Ahhhh...Monday Night Football at FedEx Field. You know what this means...extended tailgate! It does feel odd to be so focused on a preseason date, but as preseason games go, this one has plenty of intrigue. You-know-who will be here. That's right...Jon Gruden will be on hand to call his brother's game. I will be DVR'ing the broadcast to hear, among other things, how Jon brings the pain in the booth. I know if I was calling a game that my brother was coaching, there would be lots of embarrassing pictures and stories at the ready. I mean, come on, we're talking about the fourth quarter of a preseason game. Half of the country will be asleep by the time Colt McCoy is leading touchdown drives at the end of the game. I can't think of any better filler material on national television than marginally incriminating stories about my brother on national television. This is a golden opportunity, and I expect Jon Gruden to carpe the diem. In the first half, it will all be glowing. In the second half, look for the anecdotes about how Jay pooped in the bathtub as a kid or something along those lines.

2. After watching so many other teams play their games between our first and second Glorified Practices, I feel like there is some pent-up...interest...in this contest for me. I am not one to get too worked up about how a guy does in the second preseason game, but now that we have seen other teams trip through their game (or games), I just really need to see us do some of those same things we did in the New England game. We got first downs, we kept our quarterbacks healthy and we made a few plays on defense. Carrying that forward just a little bit will go a long way in my book to keeping me from hitting the bottle too hard between now and the next Glorified Practice. (Of course, the "bottle" I speak of is my Jelly Belly Strawberry-flavored Sno-Cone syrup bottle. It is--literally--happiness in a bottle, and if anything terrible happens tonight, I will be drinking it straight.)

3. Did anyone else say that last "literally" the same was as Rob Lowe's character from Parks and Recreation? Is this where everyone who likes the show nods their head and smiles, and everyone who hates the show comments below? I hate when that happens.

4. Let's not get carried away with these stories about Kirk Cousins and Robert Griffin III battling it out in camp with Cousins getting closer and closer to wresting the starting job away from RG3. It simply is not going to happen. Let's give Captain Kirk his due: he is a good player. He could fight for a job in other cities. In Washington, we are living and dying on the abilities of #10, and it likely isn't close. Listen, a lot could happen between now and next summer. It serves nobody at this point to speculate about where we will be in a year, but the chances that Cousins and Griffin are both in the fold when the book closes on the 2014 season are very, very, very high. Let's call that a good thing. We have already needed Cousins in the regular season in two straight campaigns. I am happy to suggest he is better now than he was last year, and you know what...he better be. This offense has too many weapons to be wasted if something terrible were to happen to Griffin. I am confident that Jay Gruden will look to maximize what Griffin can do, and at the moment that is no longer possible, he will do the same for Cousins. That said, Griffin can do things Cousins can't do. Everyone knows this and therefore, until something materially changes this, I just can't put any stock into these random stories.

5. Can I do an entire Sixpack without mentioning Kyle Shanahan coming to town? It would appear...not. I was one of the people who was excited about the future prospects of him as our head coach. You know, after Mike won a couple Super Bowls and rode off into the sunset. Wait...what happened to that plan anyway? I always thought I was mad at Kyle. Instead, maybe it was just the terrible taste in my mouth from the shitstorm that began at the moment Griffin went down in the game against Seattle. I don't harbor any ill will toward Kyle, but every day I put between the Shanahan era and the present day makes it easier to be so magnanimous. After all, nobody ever seems to leave this town on good terms. Except Joe Gibbs...twice.

6. Given Griffin's green light to audible at the line of scrimmage, I can't help but channel my inner Brennan Huff: "Makin' Checks and snappin' necks" (paraphrased of course)! I want to see Griffin put his guys in the best possible position and I want to hear Jon Gruden extol the virtues of the checks made at the line by RG3. We wanted this for our starter, and our hope is that Griffin is up to the challenge. I guess if there was one piece of advice I could give Robert for tonight, it would have to be: "Don't lose your dinosaur."