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Albert Haynesworth Completes Community Service - For Touching Boob

160 hours of community service later, Albert Haynesworth had a sexual harassment case dropped against him.

Win McNamee

Albert Haynesworth is like an old girlfriend who became a stripper after you dated and as much as you'd love to cut her out of your life - you can't delete her from Facebook because the updates on her life are like chicken soup for your soul. (I have no idea what this is like at all...)

According to his attorney, A. Scott Bolden, (only a supreme lawyer/douche bag uses the first name initial-thing) Haynesworth has completed MORE than the 160 hours of community service he earned from groping a waitress at a Washington, DC hotel.

Contrary to early reports, Haynesworth did NOT in fact test 10,000 TV dinners for horse meat to complete his community service.

I have two questions:

1. How does community service rectify the fact that this poor waitress had grease and butter all over her blouse and bosom? Shouldn't he be spending those hours speaking to students about the dangers of saturated fat and slippery credit cards?

2. Can any lawyers/judges out there tell me if we are entitled to know the nature of this community service? If Albert Haynesworth was standing outside Food Lion in Ashburn ringing a bell for Salvation Army - I should have been notified.

Hats off to Albert for completing something other than an entire stromboli.


Speaking of which - does anyone know where you can find this specific brand of stromboli anymore? Does anyone even know what it's called or why I can't find it anymore? This is a mystery that I believe Hogs Haven can solve.

Please. I have to know.