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HH Writers Challenge: The Kaneebus and the Ding (Applying the Redskins to Dr. Seuss)

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For this entry in the HH Writers Challenge, a Dr. Seuss-inspired story about RG3's knee was the challenge. Be gentle.

Foreword: Writing in the style of Dr. Seuss is very humbling. Making up words is a ridankubulous exercise--and this is only supposed to be roughly 300 words long. Thanks to MagicHat and travisjh86 for the teamwork employed to come up with this idea.


With the contest in doubt, rain started to drizzle.
Washington's offense had started to sizzle.
All eyes on Rabobberty Griffilicus Thrizzle.

The ball was metriculated, points stacktribulated,
the local fanbobulists rooted and revelated.

Then it happened.

Rabobberty Griffilicus Thrizzle went down.

The fat lady had spoken, the offseason had woken,
Rabobberty Griffilicus Thrizzle's kaneebus...was broken.

Kaneebuses are very extraordinary things.
They're essential to dunking and kneeling to Kings.
But inside each one of these wingdinging phlings, lives a tiny gringociously quingfringing Ding.

The Ding favors quiet and calm and collected.
The Ding frowns upon chaos and things that are hectic.

He just likes to lounge and eat his fritada.
How much fritada, you ask? He'll exclaim, "A lotta!"
But you can't eat your fritada, while listening to Dada and wearing some Prada
when Thrizzle insists on meeting Hal Ngata.

Thrizzle's Ding was exposed, his kaneebus was hosed.
Each and every fanbobulist writhed and stromblosed.
All hope was lost. The curse was exposed!

Cries of despair started to ring.
Songs of regret started to sing.
A whole fanbobulist base wailed for the Ding.

The Ding was quite mad at Thrizzle for risking
what had never before been worse than a frisking,
and now was a full-scale combabulakrisking.

With Thrizzle and his Ding at odds with each other,
fanbobulists hurled fods and ramrods at each other.

Now the Ding and our Thrizzle are mending their fences.
Rest easy fanbobulists. They'll come to their senses.
A man and his Ding may bicker and fight,
beat on each other, and slap on some smite.
And just when you think it can't get any worse...it might.

But the Ding can't stay mad for all time and a day.
He knows Thrizzle needs him.
He knows it's the way.
And so he'll regeneratherapeuflay,
in the hopes the kaneebus can once again play.

And play again it must, or so help me Jeebus,
I'll go and stab a carnie like Joshua LeRibeus.
No rest for the weary without Thrizzle's kaneebus.

And when the kaneebus is free to impress us,
opponents will flee,
wearing their dresses.

News today tells of a kaneebus en route
to going full-speed in Week One with no doubt.

Rabobberty Griffilicus Thrizzle will once again heft
His happy Ding merrily, hanging low to the left.


As long as reading this won't make you deck me,
Perhaps you'll see fit to generously rec me.

(h/t to Kevin for the picture)

Hogs Haven Writers Challenge
Kevin Ewoldt Applying Redskins to South Park's "OMG They Killed Kenny"
Dan Ciarrocchi Draft a Starting Lineup for Redskins Using Athletes from MLB, NHL and NBA
Ken Meringolo The Kaneebus and the Ding (Dr. Seuss)