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Ten Yard Fight: Rooting For Losses Makes You Less of a Fan

1. I think everyone should be entitled to their opinion, as this is still America. In my opinion, anyone who roots for the Redskins to lose is less of a fan. That said, the constant losing over the years has already deadened our fanbase significantly, creating a whole generation of fans that knows nothing but losing (for the most part). Maybe this segment of our fanbase is so backwards because of it that they need the Redskins to lose to achieve any kind of normalcy in their lives. Maybe these fans would have no idea what to do if our team started winning. Maybe this would cause some kind of mass hysteria or panic that could unhinge our whole region, throwing the nation's capital into a wicked downward spiral, affecting national and perhaps even international diplomacy. Given the precarious state of the global economy, the uncertainty surrounding multiple wars and the public outcry over Ricki Lake's defeat in "Dancing With the Stars," perhaps it is best for the nation---nay, the world--if the Redskins maintain the status quo. For my part, I say "Let the world will be to the tune of 'Hail to the Redskins.'"

2. High draft picks don't make you a winner. Winning games makes you a winner. Come on, y'all.

3. This stretch of games has been staring me down since the schedule was released. Even wearing my rosiest glasses, I had labeled this week the "Brick Wall" of our season. Back-to-back games against the Jets and Patriots? Did Roger Goodell at least have the decency to send us a blindfold and cigarette?

4. As it turns out, the Jets are beatable. They are a team you can actually beat with 18-21 points on the board. The only issue is that I am not sure if Gano can make that many field goals.

5. I kid. I am sure Gano can make that many field goals. I am just not sure he would get the amount of attempts required for him to make that many field goals.

6. All week long last week, I kept getting asked by random people if it was true what people were saying about Jabar Gaffney. "Did you hear that the television crews won't shoot him from the chest down?" "Is it true that a full-body shot of Gaffney--in full pads--would make little kids watching the game cry?" "When people refer to 'The Longest Yard,' are they referring to Jabar's junk?" I was watching the game this past weekend with Saint Megan. I told her about this so-called controversy. Shockingly, she was all for further investigation. I report to you all--with an undisputed record of staunch heterosexuality--that not only do the rumors appear to be true, I have no idea how that thing has not suffered some kind of injury. It should have its own roster spot. Having confirmed the rumors with what I would call my least proud moment in the DVR/pause and slow-mo era, I find myself with a new admiration for the work FOX, CBS, NBC and ESPN produce. In order to keep that thing off the air, they must have had a whole team of editors working real-time.

7. You didn't think you were going to read a "Ten Yard Fight" that didn't have some below-the-belt humor in it, did you?

8. You can "see the bright side" of our losses without actively rooting for those losses. Don't worry...this team can lose without your support of their losing ways.

9. I am only writing these things to protect my fellow fans from the awful feeling that will come--someday--when this team begins to win again. Your participation in the victorious celebrations following what will surely be monumental wins will be muddied because of your active support for losing during the lean times. You can argue all you want that you are rooting for losses because you want good things for this team, and because you are, in fact, a good fan. You're wrong. If you root for your team to lose, you are less of a fan. You will only succeed in lowering your own standing with your future self. Only once this thing gets turned around will you realize you have gone down a bad have gone against the family. You will be unable to escape the shameful wrath of your own future conscience.

10. Trust me on this don't want to do battle against your future conscience. Just ask Kevin. He once voted for a fellow student for Student Body President just because she was the hottest girl in high school. But he went to an all-boys high school. Talk about some sleepless nights.