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Hogs Haven Working on the Best Redskins Tailgate Ride of All Time

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Future Hogs Haven Mobile
Future Hogs Haven Mobile

Ken and I have been talking about this for too long not to pull the trigger. We've tailgated together for a few years now, and it's time to upgrade our whip (no offense to the Cavalier...she's been a horse the last 2 years). I can't really knock Ken's ride since the only wheels I own are my roller blades (for hockey, take it easy). Anyway, we came up with the dream tailgate machine, and it may come to fruition this year.

The idea: A boxed-style ambulance painted burgundy and gold.

Amenities:

-  Gut the inside and add in a L-shape couch, kegerator, stripper pole, and a flat screen TV, which will be mounted on a swivel so when we're parked at Fedex - it is visible from anyone standing outside.

- Wet bar

- External tap so the kegerator tap can be accessible from the outside of the truck

- Burgundy & gold lights, sound system that covers all 5 Fedex lots, and I guess a gimicky horn that plays HTTR (we can keep the ladies entertained with that button)

So, the obvious question is, "How are you going to pay for this?"

Well, I have a few ideas. First of all, ambulances range from $1,000-$3,000 on ebay. I'm specifically looking at this one. Most of these ambulances are in the Midwest, so if I time it right, then I pick it up on the way to Russ Grimm's Hall of Fame induction ceremony in August. For sure I will need friends to follow me home and a mechanic sitting shotgun. That would give me a month to get it ready for week 1.

This truck will easily have a lot of exposure (not just because of Hogs Haven, but just in general on the Beltway and in the streets of DC). This makes it a great opportunity for marketing.

-       Make a deal with a shop like Maaco to paint the truck and in return throw an ad on the side.

-       Do the same with a furniture company

Perhaps I can get a full custom shop to do the whole thing. This is something that for sure could garter some attention for a webisode. Driving this thing around Canton along with all the break-downs, parties, and legions of Skins & Cowboys fans could lead to some great comedy. Comcast, I'm looking at you.

It would be the ultimate road game machine, too. I know it wouldn't make it out of Philly alive, which gave me the idea to upgrade to a Bank Truck, but unfortunately those aren't for sale anywhere used.

We miss anything?