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A Roast of the Philadelphia Eagles Pea-Brained Fanbase

Note: It seemed like a good idea at the time posting these on each other's site, but that meant we didn't syndicate them...this solves that.

So, JimmyK (of Bleeding Green Nation) and I were exchanging emails this week about a Redskins/Eagles Q&A...but given how nauseating ESPN has been with Vick and McNabb, we decided to roast each other's team instead...and the theme fits as a small tribute to the late, great Roast master legend, Greg Giraldo. 

And now for the one-liners portion of the show....

  • With the Phillies players pre-occupied right now, it's nice to know the Eagles players have another local champion they can turn to for advice on winning
  • What do the Philadelphia Eagles and the Chinese Calendar have in common? ... Both of their years end in mid January.
    • What do Obamacare and Stacy Andrews have in common?...They both cost millions of dollars and provide shitty protection.
    • What do the Eagles running game and Andre Waters have in common? ... They've both been dead for years.
    • How are Britt & Garrett Reid like the Eagles' post-season play?...When it matters most, both are unable to lay the smack down.
    • Not sure if you guys have the new Samsung 240 Hz, 1080p HDTV...but the clarity of Andy Reid is amazing. Here's a screen shot.
    • Tiger Woods annual tour event in Washington, DC was rescheduled in Philadelphia while the golf course in the nation's capital prepares to host the US Open. Asked why he chose Philly, Tiger said, "I needed to find a city where I wouldn't be tempted to stray from my sex addiction treatment."
    • An Eagles fan walks into a bar, sits down and who is sitting next to him...but Jesus Christ. Jesus had had a hard week and this Eagles fan had also had a very hard week. Jesus looks at him and says, "My son, you look troubled. I have had a few beers and am in a very giving mood. I'll grant you any one request." The Eagles fan looks at Jesus and says, "Really!!?? My family comes from a long line of proud, bar fighters, and Todd Pinkston's alligator arms greatly embarrassed our family...can you change it back from him being a complete pussy?" Jesus grimaces and says, "I'm the Son of God...but that is even out of my control. Anything else?" The Eagles fan reconsiders and asks, "Can you make it so that the Eagles won that Super Bowl against the Patriots?" This time Jesus busts out laughing..."The Eagles win a Super Bowl? HA! That is more impossible than walking on water...let me see what I can do about that Pinkston thing."
    * special thanks to Brett P. for the awesome Eagles helmet image