Apparently, there are some very sheisty dealings going on with the Redskins right now, in an effort to slide in under the salary cap. The league office reportedly caught word of this, and the commissioner himself placed a personal phone call to Dan Snyder. Included after the jump is the actual transcript of the conversation:
[start recording]
RG: ::dials 1-703-555-CASH::
DS's secretary: "Thank you for calling Redskins Park, Mr. Goodell. Mr. Snyder will be with you in a few moments."
::2 minutes later::
DS: "Roger! How are you? How are things in New York? Always great to talk to you!"
RG: “Mr. Snyder, this is commissioner Goodell calling. We’d like to talk to you about the salary cap.”
DS: "Say... that sure was a pretty fancy necktie you had at the last league meeting... give you two 1st round picks for it?"
RG: "Mr. Snyder, I'm the commissioner... can't use draft picks..."
DS: "Fine. Three 1st round picks, but no higher!"
RG: "Mr. Snyder, about the salary ca..."
DS: "FOUR 1st round picks. Final offer."
RG: "NO, Mr. Snyder, you cannot have my tie. Now, about the salary cap?"
DS: “Errrm.... okay. ::sounds nervous:: Ah, yes. The salary cap. Great invention, creates parity throughout the league by preventing rich guys from spending their own money. Okay, so what did you want to talk about?”
RG: “Well… firstly, we’re not sure that your contract with Albert Haynesworth will allow you to stay under the cap…”
DS: “Albert who?”
RG: “Albert Haynesworth?”
DS: “Who?”
RG: “…….."
RG: "Okay, nevermind, we can come back to that. The DeAngelo Hall contract also pushes you over the top.”
DS: “DeAngelo — You mean DeAngelo Williams? He plays for the Panthers. Talk to them. Wait — is he a free agent too??”
RG: “No, DeAngelo Hall, the cornerback you just signe….. know what? Skip it.”
DS: “Alright. I honestly have no idea who you’re talking about.”
RG: “Now, on to your $700 million, 40 year contract to Derrick Dockery. This deal also places you in violation of the salary cap.”
DS: “Well, only $10 million of that is guaranteed, so — errr, I mean… who is Derrick Dockery? I don’t really know what you’re talking about.”
RG: “………..”
DS: "........."
RG: ::click::
VC: "Who was that?"
DS: "Must have had the wrong number. So, is the jet fueled up? Let's go get Kurt and Housh."
[recording ends]