I don't know how that happened, but hat tip to Hog Heaven's Anthony Brown (they have an entire stable of writers, now, which makes me jealous) for alerting me to CBS Sportsline's quintessentially offseason contest of fiercest mascots of the NFL. The intro warns:
Once again, the rules are simple: Have fun. Don't take this tournament too seriously...
Uhm, CBS, you can go ahead and trust me that your fiercest mascot contest isn't at risk of being taken too seriously (even as I proceed to do exactly that). Especially considering Roary the Lion, pictured below not mauling a single nurse and looking stoned out of his mind, somehow managed a #1 seed in this tournament. Take it away, Roary the magic dragon Lion:
No offense to my amigos at Pride of Detroit, but Roary doesn't strike me as particularly fierce. I'm not so much worried about life or limb as I am my double stuffed oreos, Pink Floyd album collection, or Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVDs. Roary has definitely dabbled in pacifism.
And that's probably why Chief Zee (8th seed) had little trouble dispatching Roary in the last round, only to advance against #12 Swoop of the Eagles. He's done well enough but is soon to be swooped. Like what I did there?
Actually it's Chief Zee who is going to get ruined unless you do something about this clear injustice. As of this writing the vote is at: 52% for Swoop and 48% for Chief Zee. Voting closes on the 24th giving you just one week to make right with might. But be conspicuous about it because, apparently, as far as unserious mascot competitions go, there are things you can do to disqualify your mascot:
No. 2 Jacksonville vs. No. 7 Raiders
Editor's Note: Both teams have been eliminated from the competition for conduct detrimental to the integrity of the Mascot Competition.
I don't really want to know.