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Clinton Portis channels Marie Osmond

Hat tipped to Deuce of Davenport, Dan Snyder has now made the Country Music Awards Redskins relevant:

The Washington Redskins owner acquired the show last year as part of his $175 million buyout of dick clark productions inc., and has quickly infused a highlight-reel mentality.

Redskins running back Clinton Portis went to the show, and Sacramento Kings owner Gavin Maloof said he took part in a bit at Snyder's request. When asked to pick winners, Maloof picked Rascal Flatts, the Los Angeles Lakers and the Boston Celtics.

Former backyard brawler (isn't that illegal?) and now famous MMA fighter Kimbo Slice was also on hand, making this the official Greatest Country Music Awards ever. Slice apparently said he'd fight Mike Tyson and, honestly, I'd pick Kimbo Slice (but what do I know; check out Bloody Elbow for more info on Slice)

Back to Portis, Dan Steinberg tracked down the diverting running back to get his thoughts on the festivities. Clinton Portis... likey?

"Because there's a couple songs I'm looking for," he said. "There were a couple of those songs that I wouldn't mind having. What was it, 'You're Gonna Miss Me?' It was actually about a little girl, 17, getting ready to turn 18 and having to grow up fast. That was a touching song. It would be wonderful if the rest of the world could get a chance to hear it."

That, I suppose, would be Trace Adkins's "You're Gonna Miss This," which includes the following lyric:

Five years later there's a plumber
Workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin' and one kid's screamin'

Dangerously close to "my dog died," but never mind; the point is, Southeast Jerome is in tune with the heartland.

Must... resist... urge... to comment on Mike Vick, dog fighting, and Clinton Portis' comments regarding it.

Anyways, the great news I see coming from this is wardrobe related:

"I just turned it into a country hillbilly theme," he said. "After the award show I'm redoing my whole wardrobe: tight jeans, boots, spurs and cowboy hats."

It doesn't take a trained blogger's mind to see the writing on the wall here: The next Portis character -- and if we're honest with ourselves, we're all just waiting for the next one -- will have a decidedly country theme. And I can't wait

Speaking of characters, if you open up Yahoo! right now, staring at you on the front page is Johnny White Guy. He's everywhere, actually. First check out these barely safe for work pictures at his blog,  he's at Deadspin, he's simply the greatest athlete in all the world right now, bar none. How were we, as Redskins fans, so uniquely blessed? Who knows, but I thank Matt Ufford at With Leather distinguishing Chris Cooley from other (mere mortal) athletes:

I don't know how an honest, decent, regular guy like Cooley ended up as a pro athlete.  Maybe it was only playing one year of varsity in high school.  Maybe it was that his hometown college of Utah State was his sole scholarship offer, or that he didn't expect to have a pro career until late in his junior year of college.  Somewhere along the way he didn't become a self-entitled prick like everyone else who makes millions of dollars in this business.  But whatever: good luck, Chris.  May no other athletes follow your lead.  It would be bad for business.

(Hat tip: Extreme Skins) More on Cooley, his marriage, and his mullet over at Homer McFanBoy which is the blog of Murf of Extreme Skins and, I believe, Skinscast. The SkinsCast and ES guys have always been very kind to me and if I'd known sooner that Murf -- who is both a very talented writer and a guy with access to the team, both positives in a blogger -- had entered the blogging ranks, I would've gotten his site up on the blogroll before today. It will be up in moments. The post linked above also has a great interview with Chris Cooley, time unknown but necessarily after he started blogging, that has Cooley on topics ranging from his posts at Shutdown Corner to new tight end Davis. On the latter he says that Davis has a high football IQ and should pick up the offense in no time. When asked by Murf whether Cooley can/will work with Davis to make him better, Chris, always straight forward and honest, answers with brevity: of course. Because he wants to win football games.