clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

The NFL Combine coverage here is outstanding

I don't mean to brag, but you really can't get more in depth combine coverage anywhere else. With exactly zero words committed to what I'm told is an important event, you'd be hard pressed to find deeper analysis elsewhere. My failure to address the combine contrasts nicely with last year, where I at least had open threads up. Treat this as your open thread, if the combine is something you'd like to discuss. If you are really interested in the combine, you probably shouldn't be here, anyways. is the place. Or go to The Times.

I am not alone in my indifference to the combine. The cleverly titled Internet is for Zorn website takes it a step further in this exchange with his wife:

I'm not 100% sure what we tuned in on -- either O-linemen or tight ends, I guess, as it was a bunch of white guys -- doing the vertical jump.  If you're unfamiliar, this drill consists of exactly what it sounds like: the guys jump straight up, pushing those measuring things out of the way to indicate how high they've gone.  Then a guy with a stick resets the measuring things.  Riveting TV.

Her: What IS this?
Me: It's the NFL Scouting Combine.  They get all the kids who might get drafted together and test their measurables.

Another guy jumps, and Stick Guy resets the measuring thing.

Her: Gosh, is there nothing MORE homoerotic that we could watch right now?
Me: You missed the part where the kids stand around in their underwear while old men measure them.

If you needed an excuse to ignore kids standing around in their underwear while old men measured them, Washington Redskins fans are especially gifted towards apathy because the act of old men measuring kids in underwear does not affect their likelihood of being on this team whatsoever. At least so sayeth Vinny Cerrato:
"We take people off our board for medical and psychological evaluations. We don't take anybody off our board for what they do in underwear drills," Washington Redskins vice president of football operations Vinny Cerrato said.
This is actually reassuring. I don't know if we need to be making important drafting decisions of players on trivial matters such as how they run, jump, and play in underwear, but rather how they answer truly meaningful inquiries such as:
For once in his life, Kirk Barton was speechless.

During interviews and psychological tests at the NFL combine, the former Ohio State offensive tackle was asked whether he'd rather be a dog or cat.

Barton wasn't sure how to respond.

"You wonder if it's a house cat or a tiger?" he reasoned with himself. "If it's a tiger, then you're solid. But a dog can beat a (regular) cat. I always pick the dog."

I'm not a paid NFL scout, which helps to explain why I have no fucking idea the utility of knowing properly whether potential NFL offensive tackles should be cats or dogs or tigers. Regarding this latter answer, I'd suggest to Kirk Barton that it may be a trick question. I was informed this week that white tigers are actually a mutation that requires inbreeding to maintain. Results have been mixed, witnessed below:

Nothing needs saying here.

In sum, the Redskins explicitly per Vinny aren't interested in how these young men play in underwear, I think that's mostly a good thing, and thus I excuse poor combine coverage merely by suggesting it's about as meaningful a topic for this website as inbred tigers. Or perhaps I should say it is at least as meaningful a topic for this website as inbred tigers, as it is possible they aren't getting enough coverage. Inbred tigers, that is, not the combine; in any event, the combine coverage here is outstanding.