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Redskins: The Home Stretch

The Skins have been a lot like the Terps this year, inconsistent. There's nothing worse for a fan where your team shows flashes of brilliance at times, and then completely lays an egg the next week. I am consistently made the fool when talking shit to my friends in Philly and New York. At least with the Nationals we know to focus us all of our energy to having laughs and staring at hotties. Regardless, we have quite an interesting schedule coming up. Several teams seem like slam dunks, but that is far from the truth when the Redskins are involved. The Bengals took both the Eagles and Giants to overtime, so we can't count that as W yet. When talking about the varying range of opponents we have left, we came to the conclusion that they eerily relate to the girls of our past:




11/23 @ Seahawks
Once Hot, Now Fat chick


The Seahawks were once that smoking hot girl who always dick-teased us to all hell. Nothing we could do worked, and we were always made the fool. But now that she's put on some pounds and lost all confidence, we're looking to take her down to put all past hatred to bed. HATE F*CK is a-coming.




11/30 VS Giants -
Hottest Girl in the bar


The Giants game will be our one last ditch effort at the hot chick. We'll be able to hold the conversation, buy her a drink, and wave a nice crisp $20 bill front of her. Then we lower our guard and fumble with the cheese line "Did you fart? Because you just blew me away" at which point the girl leaves us in the dust with 10 minutes before last call.




12/7 @ Ravens -
Hooking up with the awful girl next door


She's not the prettiest girl in the bunch; however; being neighbors we both know each at a certain uncomfortable level. We prefer not to hang out because our social circles and interests are so different, but here we are. It's last call, we're both hammered...so we might as well dance. Three quarters through the season, neither of us are impressive looking, but something has got to give. Whoever is still competing in the 4th wins this game. Have you ever stopped in the middle of hooking up and thought, "Why am I doing this? I'd rather be in my own bed!" This game has the same feeling. Fight through it Skins.



12/14 @ Bengals -
The fat chick


The team has no redeeming qualities and it's emberassing as all hell if you get shot down. The Bengals D has been smothering as of late and despite their 1-8 record, they've taken the Giants and Eagles both to OT. Just like fat chicks, they have an unbridled perseverance. I hate to use the word "penetration" this close to the picture above, but it's what we need. Who-Dey's wide receivers can be lethal so we must attack the QB position. Laron Landry needs to take one for the team.



12/21 VS Eagles-
The Stuck-up Bitch


Fiesty. Physical. And likes to go deep, a lot. No one looks forward to the Eagles game. No matter what their record, they're dangerous. This is our last chance to win a home NFC East game...the Bitch is going down.



12/28 @ 49ers -
I'm getting bored with this game so I'm including a picture of the hottest 49'ers cheerleader


I mean, what is there left to say? By this last game of the season, this is a MUST win and we'll need some help from another team's loss to get into the playoffs. With our wave of injuries and old players, we'll probably have lost another key guy by this point. We're limping into the post-season.