clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Do not let Matt Hasselbeck escape to Yemen!

By now most of you have already seen Matt Hasselbeck's mustache which, I must say, is the worst bit of facial hair in the history of facial hair. See below, from Sportable:

The race is on to find out who Matt looks the most like. Sportage says it's a porn 'stache. Uh, right... Mister Irrelevant says Hedley Lamarr, to which I say well played, sir. Steinberg  has Hitler from teammate Nate Burleson:

"I could see that," wide receiver Nate Burleson said of the Hitler reference. "That shows Matt's in a good mood and knows how to keep everybody loose, and at the same time go out there and be a professional on the field."

Too loose, perhaps.

"The mustache hit me like high beams," Burleson said. "I was eating, and it almost like came up a little bit.

"I told him, 'Matt, come on, I'm eating. Let me finish my meal before we make any more eye contact with the mustache.' "

When I was in college there was a station that would just cycle sex offenders that I used to watch when drunk. It's best to avoid sex offenders when drunk, I've always said. In any event, Hasselbeck looks like the amalgamation of every single sex offender I ever saw on that channel and thus naturally I figured it would take seconds to google up some images of sex offenders that happened to look just like Matt.

I went a different way with it since I am too much of a coward to try searching for sex offenders in google. I'm calling it Muammer Aldailam from America's Most Wanted:

His dangerous alias is: "Mike"

Go find him:

Cops in New York are hunting a man they say gunned down two people in cold blood. His motive: he didn't want to lose his girlfriend. What's more, police fear Muammer Aldailam may be trying to get back to his home country of Yemen, and police need your help to grab him before he's out of reach forever.
Grab is a poor substitute for Arrest.