clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Meet the Dead Tree Crew

By Skin Patrol

Future blogebrities (see, that's celebrity with blog incorporated in it) Dead Tree Crew, a/k/a DTC, a/k/a The CEO, The Mayor (of FedEx Field), and The President. Deadspin introduced them via YouTube, then Jamie Mottram befriended them, somewhere in there Jamie's brother impressed them so that they rapped on his behalf, and now they've gone straight legit in the mainstream media. Who are the Dead Tree Crew? Just some guys who bleed Burgundy and Gold and convince women to drink out of traffic cones and wear their shirts (which are burgundy). In other words, they are super fans and I support them 100%.

But they're so much more than that. They also absolutely hate Eagles' fans, especially The Mayor (of FedEx Field). And something about cheese:

By now, the novelty of our arrival had worn off, and the party sort of resumed. As near as I could tell, that involved jello shots and young ladies wearing high football-like socks dancing in very close proximity to each other, plus others occasionally sucking down beer out of traffic cones and doing other unprintable things with traffic cones. The Mayor was still talking about Eagles fans, something of an obsession of his.

"They've got my picture up in the post office there," he was saying. "They're like, 'Why don't you come to the Linc, why don't you come to the Linc?' Why don't you come to [bleep bleep bleep] F51, Eagles fans?"

"We made our living in people hating us," The President said. "There's nothing to make fun of. There's no flaw. If you [find] a flaw and you're a Redskins fan, I'm going to come back and fix it for you. You want more liquor, I'll get you more liquor. You don't like the music, I'll put on rock for you. No drinking cheese and eating wine, that's not us. Those who do that, this isn't for you. Wine, cheese, missing kickoff, that's not us."

That's enough quote to pretty much tell you everything one would need to know about the DTC to support the cause, but what you really need to do is read the ass-crazy comments section at the Bog, where DTC full on assaults any and all comers who dare slander their good name. For example:

Eagle fans are all talk. Exhibit 1,674 of multiple Eagle fans talking trash about the DTC, yet going on 8 years now, you have never, ever, ever, EVER come to F-51 and say this stuff to our face.

Im glad you guys feel safe on your grandmothers Compaq Presario in South Philly, but all you do is talk.

WALK IT OUT

Paint me fucking sold on these guys. 214 other comments sprinkled in there, and every one by either The Mayor (of FedEx Field) or The President or DTC as a unit impresses. If you see these guys at the game, prepare to drink out of a traffic cone. (And don't bring your Eagles friends. Sorry Wilbur.)

More From Hogs Haven