clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

You just go to hell, AMI.

Watching Blog Show No. 16 over at Mr. Irrelevant, I witnessed a serious crime against humanity Jason Campbell. The (alleged) American Mustache Institute, which as far as I can tell couldn't find a kick ass 'stache if it crawled up their lip, somehow listed the all time Best Sports Mustaches without naming our own Jason Campbell. Umm, hello?

Well groomed, charismatic, powerful. Messianic. And that's just his facial hair.

I'm willing to go through the motions. Another ommission mentioned by The Steinberg was Don Mattingly, though Jamie retorted that Mattingly played in an era of overwhelming mustacheness, making it difficult to distinguish himself. Since mustaches certainly aren't that prevalant in today's NFL, especially among high profile quarterbacks, I'd posit that JC overcomes the Don Mattingly Mustache Principal and deserves mention.

Another possibility is that Jason Campbell has not yet distinguished himself in his sport, which is a fair criticism of him as a player, but not him as a mustachioed hero. Anyways, this possibility is absurd, as a starting NFL quarterback is far more accomplished than even a Hall of Fame Hockey Player. If you like the wierd puck-and-stick sport, at least admit that the presence on the list of Peter Weber, "professional" bowler, clearly indicates that accomplishment is not a criteria for distinction according to the AMI.

And of course there's this nonsense:

That's an award nominated mustache? Fucking for real? I can grow a better mustache than that, and I hit puberty like a week ago. It looks like he glued it on, for Christ's (who knew a thing or two about facial hair) sake.

As enraged as I am by this, I want to refrain from making it a race issue, though Steinberg suggested truth towards power to that end, pointing out that only one black athlete (Clyde Frazier) blesses AMI's imperfect list. I'll let reader(s) draw their own conclusions of that, though perhaps I will notify the Nation of Islam Sports Blog of the alleged insensivity. In any event, it's just one more reason to include Jason Campbell on this list.

I'm not going to vote because I think the list is incomplete, though if I had to my vote would go to The Mad Hungarian. He could really own a mustache. As the image below shows, Al Hrabosky understood facial hair.

Free Jason Campbell's mustache.

[editor's note, by Skin Patrol] Hogs Haven encourages reader(s) to express their frustration with the list by taking full advantage of the "Write In Candidate" option at the bottom of the page. Together, we can right this wrong.