Wikipedia says the pineapple has a root that is used as a "decoction... treat diarrhea." That sounded neat and all, but I had to wikipedia "decoction" as well, which is: a method of extraction of herbal or plant material, which includes, but is not limited to: Stems, roots, bark, and rhizomes." Swell.
The greatest journalist ever covered what is emerging as the Great Pineapple Imbroglio. Here are your cliff notes:
- The greatest fans on the planet wait at Redskins park after our victory over the Vikings.
- Two of these fans, having committed admirable theft of a pineapple off someone else's front door earlier in the day, present it to Joe Gibbs to give to Chris Cooley (the Pro Bowl is in Hawaii, get it?)
- Coach Gibbs calls them "nuts" or else "crazy".
"Totally worth it; who would not do this?" 19-year-old Katie Richter was saying to her friend. I asked why.
"Cuz the Redskins are amazing, and if you're a fan you should do anything for them," she said. "Clearly."
I asked whether she ever thought this might be a bit crazy.
"Hell no," her friend said. "Not at all," Katie agreed. "Nothing's too crazy as far as the Redskins are concerned."
You'd expect that to be the end of the Great Pineapple Imbroglio, but you'd be wrong. Dan Steinberg did not rest on the story, and neither did the pineapple. It goes on:
"From some fans."
I briefly told the story to Cooley, who wasn't quite sure why there was a battered tropical fruit on his stool.
"No way," he said. "That's awesome, man."