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Pineapples have neither pines nor apples in them, so I'm told

Wikipedia says the pineapple has a root that is used as a "decoction... treat diarrhea." That sounded neat and all, but I had to wikipedia "decoction" as well, which is: a method of extraction of herbal or plant material, which includes, but is not limited to: Stems, roots, bark, and rhizomes." Swell.

The greatest journalist ever covered what is emerging as the Great Pineapple Imbroglio. Here are your cliff notes:

  1. The greatest fans on the planet wait at Redskins park after our victory over the Vikings.
  2. Two of these fans, having committed admirable theft of a pineapple off someone else's front door earlier in the day, present it to Joe Gibbs to give to Chris Cooley (the Pro Bowl is in Hawaii, get it?)
  3. Coach Gibbs calls them "nuts" or else "crazy".
I said greatest fans in the world and meant it, more from Dan Steinberg:
The two girls next to me had squealed when Gibbs appeared, and the giddiness was still bubbling over when we left.

"Totally worth it; who would not do this?" 19-year-old Katie Richter was saying to her friend. I asked why.

"Cuz the Redskins are amazing, and if you're a fan you should do anything for them," she said. "Clearly."

I asked whether she ever thought this might be a bit crazy.

"Hell no," her friend said. "Not at all," Katie agreed. "Nothing's too crazy as far as the Redskins are concerned."

They hang out at all hours of the night with work in the morning just to catch a glimpse of their beloved Redskins so they can wish them well after a big victory. Some of them even present glorious pineapples. These are worthy fans.

You'd expect that to be the end of the Great Pineapple Imbroglio, but you'd be wrong. Dan Steinberg did not rest on the story, and neither did the pineapple. It goes on:

Remember the pineapple from early Monday morning? Like one of those heroic lost puppies, dropped on a random street corner, it made its way home. That piece of fruit was perched on Chris Cooley's stool, accompanied by a note on a small piece of lined paper. Written on the note?

"From some fans."

I briefly told the story to Cooley, who wasn't quite sure why there was a battered tropical fruit on his stool.

"No way," he said. "That's awesome, man."

Also at that link, it looks as though Todd Yoder gave Chris Cooley a crappily made sitar in a gift exchange. Which is really crazy because all I asked for for Christmas was a pineapple and a homemade sitar. Some guys have all the luck.