Public urination is an awesome crime

by Skin Patrol on Mar 31, 2008 1:00 PM EDT in News Comment 0 comments

The actual news today is that the Redskins signed Pete Schmitt. That's actually about four days old news but it's worth noting late because...

Schmitt is a 6-3, 252-pounder who spent the 2007 training camp with the Redskins. He suffered a shoulder injury in preseason and was released with an injury settlement...

Schmitt is expected t o compete for playing time with Tyler Ecker, another first-year player. Ecker was the Redskins' seventh-round draft pick in 2007, but he spent the year on injured reserve.

This serves as a good refresher on the status of Tyler Ecker, our last draft pick in 2007. Unfortunate injury sidelined him but did provide ample opportunities for Todd Yoder to shine as Chris Cooley's Robin. (Perhaps an inappropriate analogy, since Sammy Baugh may have claim to being Batman.) Also a refresher that Batman is wise:

Robin, looking at Batgirl: "You know something, Batman?"
Batman: "What's that, Robin?"
Robin: "She looks very pretty when she's asleep."
Batman: "I thought you might eventually notice that. That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum."

Heavy stuff.

Here I say -- Golly, I sure hope Schmitt has a longer, more productive tenure in Washington than Kenyatta Jones did -- thus allowing me a segue into the much more entertaining and only slightly tragic story of a troubled former Redskin who just couldn't hold it. The former Patriot fell out with his old team after allegedly assaulting someone with water, really, really, hot water. I can't find the disposition of the case, but you aren't afforded leniency on account of style points.

But apparently the Redskins were impressed because we caught him, then released him on the much more serious offense of being injured. He found his way to the Tampa Bay Storm, which may or may not be a professional field hockey team, and now got himself into some truly bodacious trouble:

Kenyatta Jones was arrested just after 2 a.m. According to the arrest report, he was thrown out of the Blue Martini for after being caught trying to urinate on the dance floor.

He was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest after allegedly shoving an off-duty police officer who was working as security at the bar.

As awesome as public urination is, battering a law enforcement officer is certainly not a good idea and should be discouraged. But it should be discouraged independent pissing on what I imagine to be a niceish bar that serves overpriced martinis. What is this, Russia?

He got tasered, bro:

Club security told Jones, 29, to leave after he tried to urinate on the dance floor, police say.

Uniformed Tampa police officers working extra duty at the club tried escorting him out, but Jones stopped and tried to go back in, an arrest report states. An officer grabbed Jones' arm, trying to lead him out, and Jones shoved the officer against a door. Another officer used a Taser on Jones.

Nobody was injured, police said.

In addition to the battery charge, Jones was charged with resisting arrest with violence and trespassing.

Besides Jones, of course, who was injured physically by the taser and emotionally by the cruel restriction the state imposes on releasing urine. Viewed in that light, aren't we all victims?

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