No TV and no Beer make Team Functions something something...

by Skin Patrol on Jun 1, 2007 2:57 PM EDT in Analysis Comment 1 comment

"Urge to kill... rising." - Homer Simpson

"Today, the NFL dried up." - The Counterculture Criteria

"Somewhere, Carrie Nation is smiling." - The Sports Curmudgeon

Now you've really done it, Roger. Not-so-casual fans such as myself could suffer in silence so long as the targets of your ire remained rich athletes who were raining on strippers or recreating Gladiator canine-style. But now you've gone. too. far.:

NFL clubs may no longer serve alcohol at team functions or on buses or flights, extending a ban that until now applied only in locker rooms.

NFL owners and executives were told by Commissioner Roger Goodell that the rule pertains not only to players but to owners, coaches and guests.

I demand an explanation!

"I believe that no constructive purpose is served by clubs continuing to make alcoholic beverages available, and that doing so imposes significant and unnecessary risks to the league, its players and others," Goodell wrote to all 32 teams in a letter obtained by The Associated Press.

Pushaaaw? No constructive purpose???? What about getting intoxicated? Alcohol is an end in itself.

Really though Goodell's missing the point. At the risk of giving him any ideas, what would be the constructive purpose of Cheerleaders? Concussions? The NFLPA?

As The Counter Culture Criteria points out:

I would never condone heavy drinking for anyone who made a habit out of drunken driving or rough-housing police, but, well, Goodell seems wretchedly bent on taking all of the fun out of being a pro athlete.

Oh but it is so much more sinister, I'm afraid. For one it isn't limited merely to players but to "chief executives, club presidents, general managers and head coaches" meaning it sucks all the fun out of being a billionaire, millionaire, merely hundreds-of-thousandsnaire, etc. Worse yet, really since it does not say that team reps cannot drink at said events, but rather that delicious adult drinks cannot be served at all. You might as well just enact Shari'ah Law! Think of the children, you monster.

I am an admitted booze-hound and incapable of objective words on the subject, though it needs hashing out(, man). "Team function" is the place where alcohol cannot be served, though I'm not really sure what that is. Per this T.O. and Eagles related story, the Philadelphia Eagles 2005 Carnival (details here) was a "Team function". Per pictures from the event it appears as if fans are invited, and would be able to drink at said event up until yesterday. The goal of the 2005 Eagles Carnival was to raise 1 million US dollars for charity and as someone who has paid large sums of cash for adult beverages, I'm pretty sure alcohol could contribute a good chunk of that 1 MIL.

The real question then becomes, Roger: what the hell do you have against Charity???? (And alcohol too, we want to know what is up with that.)

Update [2007-6-1 14:58:45 by Skin Patrol]: Oh yea, it is related to the Redskins:

That group includes union president Troy Vincent, currently a free agent; safety Donovin Darius of Jacksonville; fullback Tony Richardson of Minnesota; center Jeff Saturday of Indianapolis; linebacker Takeo Spikes of Philadelphia; and wide receiver James Thrash of Washington.

James Thrash: Why!?

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