Who wants a mustache ride? I do! I do!

by Skin Patrol on Nov 17, 2006 2:43 PM EST

It's difficult to pinpoint my love affair with Jason Campbell since 1) he's never thrown a pass in an NFL game and 2) the Redskins have a well documented history of recruiting total bums at QB. And it can't just be the "he's not Mark Brunell" because, after careful erudite research, I realized that Todd Collins isn't Mark Brunell either. So what is it? What drives my insatiable man crush for this guy? Why do I unapologetically demand he be given immediate control over this struggling Redskins offense? Where does this irrational trust come from?

It's that killer 'stache, man.

Photo from the Official Redskins website. The Mustache is also officially a member of the team.

The word mustache originates from the Greek word mystax meaning wants me. It is unique among imperative statements in that the understood subject is always she as opposed to you (or thee or thou or hey, guy). And I didn't make any of that up.

I have no way of confirming this but I'm fairly certain that Jason Campbell is an honorary member of Beard Team USA which competes internationally to establish America's beard and mustache hegemony in the 21st century... and beyond! They also have thier own blog. That's super, fellas.

We all hope that Jason Campbell will one day lead the Redskins as a great quarterback. But who knew he was already such an amazing patriot?

Unlike the Olympics, with its highly-competitive qualifying tournaments, strict drug regulations, and gender testing, this truly unique, off-beat public event is open to everyone willing to support his or her country. Well, at least everyone with a beard or moustache. In fact, it is almost unpatriotic not to grow a beard or moustache and enter the competition.

Note to self: Investigate ominous sounding Olympic "gender testing" procedures. Additional note to self: Immediately grow mustache, run for public office against non-mustached individual and accuse him/her of supporting Terrorists.

Jason Campbell's opponent this weekend will have no Mustache karma.

Dave Attel is funny, but looks aren't everything. Zing!

Gradkowski sports the unpatriotic and slipshod look of a boorish Boucanier. Yea, that's French alright.

Despite your 3-5 record, we surrender!

So remember the 'stache when Jason Campbell is in full mop-up duty against the doomed Bucs this weekend. If any readers Yarrrrr up to the challenge, I will honor the greatest Jason Campbell facial hair nickname with a front page post and full credit to the creator. Have at it.

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Comments

That's so much pressure...

I'm gonna have to think this one over...

by TexSkins on Nov 17, 2006 4:10 PM EST reply actions

I'm still thinking but...

I grew a moustache for less than a week before constant nagging from my girlfriend caused it's demise. She said it made me look "creepy" (in the sort of rapist-mass murderer way) and that it "stabbed" her.

But, on the other hand, my friend's finance said that with it I look like this cat. So it might have to return...

And thus, my cool moustache story has ended.

by TexSkins on Nov 20, 2006 3:00 PM EST reply actions