In case you didn't know, we've got the two stars of the film on the roster. First up is Devin Thomas, who plays Arnold's Dutch, er, enthusiastically:

Thomas is a serial abuser of the famous Arnold Schwarzenegger lines from "Predator," which Malcolm Kelly finds entirely amusing. "Do it just one time," Kelly requested today, but instead Thomas did it about 73 times. Quoting Thomas:

C'mahn, what are you dooing, get to the chopper. C'mahn, now. Nowwww. C'mahn. What are you waiting for, doo it, c'mahn. Kill me. I'm right here. C'maaaaahn. C'mahn, do it, kill me, I'm right here, now, get to the chopper. Dillon, Billy, Poncho, c'mahn, I'm right here, get to the chopper, what are you guys dooing, let's go.

Who doesn't?

Via Homer McFanboy, and this should surprise no one, Chris Horton plays The Predator:

We’ve got to bring something to your attention. It seems the fans have given you a nickname …

"I think I already know it," Horton said. "The Predator?"...

My guess is, unlike in basketball or other sports, the fans can’t really see your face. They just see the helmet and the hair as you swoop in and make another play.

(Laughs). "It’s a good thing, I guess," he said. "The Predator, his role, he’s a deadly guy. Some of the things he did and some of the weapons he had in the movie were insane. So I guess it’s a good thing."

The helmet thing never crossed my mind, though I suppose it makes sense now (but then every helmeted football player would have a helmet related nickname, yah? Naw man, it's definitely the hair). All that is left is for Devin Thomas to lure Chris Horton into the locker room only to attempt to dispatch of him using rudimentary barbaric forest designed traps and then demand that the Predator kill him, but only if it is like right now.

But who will play Dillon (left)?

via www.favouritefilm.com

Must be Jason Taylor. You show up on my door step from a mysterious group with a checkered past (the CIA, Miami Dolphins, whatever) to aid us in a "rescue" mission? Sure, and then it becomes like totally apparent that the real reason was so you could use destroy the military camp of the NFC East. You know what? I've been used, Jason Taylor, and I like it. Your well-intentioned trickery will ultimately be vindicated when you head butt Tony Romo for a 72 yard loss despite having both your arms dislocated. Will you survive? Maybe, probably not actually, but the viewer will learn to love you.

Mac?

via www.montysminiguns.com

Essay you are erratic like Antwaan Randle El. I don't really know what is up with you through most of the season, as you're too busy going generally crazy by hog-hunting or cutting your face while shaving or dropping passes. But then, right when it seems you've really lost your mind with your crazy whispers, redemption; he's right through them trees! - or defenders, as you squeeze a pass to Chris Cooley in a come from behind victory over the Eagles. I never stopped believing Mac, not after you shot out them trees.

Anna (middle)?

via www.favouritefilm.com

Durant Brooks you escaped the alien or else getting cut only by the skin of your teeth, and now you've got that crazy stare and absolutely surprising ability to speak fluent english of the horror (where did she learn this?). No one is more aware of their own potentialy impending doom as you. You've seen the beast, the headlines, the paper clippings, and you know best that mortality is really just one severed spinal column or botched punt away. Hey, happy ending: Anna makes it through the movie, so will you, guy. Just blame chupacabra or something.

Blaine.

via imgsrv.itm-e72.com

Jon Jansen. You're the seasoned veteran of the team, having survived with your own skill and ingenuity through either an unlivable firefight or 10 years with the Washington Redskins, longer than anyone else on the team. Is this 2008 Redskins trek through the Guatemalan jungle your last? Whatever the case may be, when you spray ordnance into the trees they make way like defensive linemen getting clubbed left and right. I don't care what they say about this grizzled war vet, dude still has it.

Billy.

via chenzhen.files.wordpress.com

Andre Carter fears nothing, including knife fights with alien hunters who rip out the spinal columns of human beings. He would just as gladly challenge Mr. Predator to a mano-a-mano knife fight on a sliver of wooden bridge as he would challenge a double team just to buy the secondary a few valuable seconds of time. Carter doesn't talk much but, when he does, you get the sense that you better listen, because it will be profound. The only thing that distinguishes the two is that Andre Carter would win that one on one with the Pred.

Poncho.

Lorenzo Alexander. Versatile Poncho takes a whole lot of licking but keeps on ticking throughout the entire season. So you may have had your internal organs shattered or your helmet taken off, but Poncho Alexander keeps on coming with a mean pass rush or never letting go of your rifle (which probably killed poor Poncho, Predators don't kill unarmed prey). Safety equipment is for the weak.

Hawkins?

via www.moviesarecool.com

Uhh, yea, Ethan Albright. Listen, someone has to snap the ball and carry all this radio equipment and it might as well be you, Red. But we really appreciate it!

Reader(s) encouraged to do their own. On a personal note, I watched this movie something like 20 times my freshman year of college, over, and over, and over again.

For those of you unawares of the American Mustache Institute you need to get aware like fast. Reader(s) are well aware that despite my early trepidation with the AMI, their willingness to engage in an open debate about a subject of importance totally won me over (and a spot on Blog Show).

Their next big project is the: Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year Award.

via www.americanmustacheinstitute.org

What qualifies someone for this honor? A candidate could be:

• a furry lipped teacher who was an important influence;
• My Morning Jacket's Jim James or Weezer's Rivers Cuomo for reminding us of the days of Zappa;
• a neighbor with a cookie duster who's always been a generous volunteer;
• the New York Yankees' Jason Giambi for helping popularize the mustache in baseball in 2008;
• a mustached fireman who was willing to sacrifice his life to protect others;
• Keith Hernandez for winning the greatest sports mustache contest;

or, if he was an American - Daniel Day Lewis would be a candidate for becoming the first mustached ‘Best Actor' winner (Daniel Plainview in "There Will Be Blood") since Paul Newman in 1986.

And they're taking submissions. I'm torn because this team really does have some truly amazing 'staches (JASON CAMPBELL!), and I'm going to ask you guys to write in your own candidates below. But I have made one submission already: James Arthur Monk.

(Click Below for more)

Continue reading this post »

I want to be quick for two reasons: I've been at work all day and have little interest in blogging right now, I want you to spend less time reading this and more time reading both TexSkins TC Battle Ground article and all the wonderful FanPosts. On this latter issue, I just can't thank you guys enough for the time you put into this site. It would be awful boring (or more awful and/or more boring than it currently is) without you guys to update the site on the sidebar. Football, or some semblence of it, has finally returned. However, my life has not dutifully awarded that return with excessive free time, so I'm unable to provide the time committment to this website that I would have hoped for this time of year. The fact of the matter is that I don't do this for a living, this is what I do during the time when life permits, but there are a lot of people out there who do blog -- about this particular team -- for a living, and are doing a fine job of it.

Having said that, because this ain't the only show in town by any stretch of the imagination, check on Chris Cooley, who blogs everywhere (but not technically for a living), joining the guys at KSK. A teaser:

The one cool thing about the first month of camp is living in a dorm room. I love it when I get to leave my 2.8 million dollar house and live in a 400 square foot box, trade in the Mercedes for the bus, and curl up in my twin bed. The TV’s are great too, who isn’t happy when they pick up 10 total channels on a 24 inch box? Yea, I guess now people can say what a ungrateful bastard I am and how much anyone would give to play pro football, but please, whether it’s a high school or NFL training camp, it’s still gonna be as fun as a bag of dicks.

I'm of the opinion that Chris Cooley is one of the greatest TEs in the NFC slash the league. He might be a better writer/observer of life than football player, though. Is he ever not correct, about anything?

Other big news I picked up on my own earlier this week but really dove into via DC Sports Bog, who interviews the brandest newest blogger to the Redskins blogosphere who happens to also be Official.

After weeks of speculation and more speculation, the Redskins got their blogger, and just in time, too. He is Matt Terl, he reported for work this past weekend, and his blog--tentatively called "The Official Blog of the Washington Redskins"--went live on Sunday morning.

I don't know if anyone noticed, but the blog already ended up on the side of this website, here. Out of the gates he's already got constant training camp updates to the tune of 7 today, 9 yesterday. I have a more than passing understanding of what it is the team is trying to do with this new project, and consequently have total faith that it will be a huge success. I encourage reader(s) to make it a daily visit as it should be an outstanding place for TC updates, among other things. I think Redskins fans are uniquely blessed to have this many frequently updated resources (both the Times and the Post have embraced online writing as well as any publications I'm aware of, and now so has the team) and you guys would be crazy not to take advantage of them all. Best of luck to Matt Terl, The Official Blogger of Your Washington Redskins.

Having said that, I encourage all lurkers to register and all reader(s) to visit the FanPosts and the front page stories below. Just as Hogs Haven isn't the only source of Redskins content on the internet, Skin Patrol isn't the only (or even a particularly good) source of content on this website.

A very good discussion erupted in another thread. Allskins stated what many Redskins fans are probably thinking but unwilling to admit publicly summarized thusly:

We can make all of the excuses we want…he’s had differnt coordinators, he had differnt coaches, he had to learn different systems…..THAT IS PART OF THE GAME!!! He is the next great redskin QB the same way Ramsey was the next great redskin QB….We need to face the music and realize that we wasted a 1st round pick and not keep believing that he is the answer. I really hope that I’m wrong and this is his break out year because being a die-hard fan I’d rather be wrong and see our team get a ring this year than see all the “experts” get paid big bucks and we are sitting at home in January…..I just don’t get why our great Campbell gets outperformed by all of his competition….Just check the stats and tell me I’m wrong

That is probably a bit stronger language than I would use, as I think there are compelling reasons not to yet give up on JC as the future here with the team. But the stats is what they is and hardly tell the story of a can't miss quarterback prospect worthy of all our hopes and dreams. The truth for me personally is that I have a lot at stake with Campbell and should just admit that honestly. When this team was going down in flames with Mark Brunell at the helm circa 2006, I made repeated, strongly worded appeals for Jason Campbell to replace him.

The purpose of this thread is to keep the discussion moving forward, as I think it's a worthwhile one for Redskins fans to have. Indeed, fans are having it right now in Ben's Brett Favre post because one can hardly consider a future with Brett at the helm without considering the impact that will have on Campbell. And the degree to which one supports a QB change hinges primarily on how one feels about Jason.

Where I stand will probably be revealed in the link I provide shortly but I'm going to do my best to stay objective throughout this engagement. I think I probably put too much faith into Patrick Ramsey (as TexSkins is quick to remind me when we discuss the former Redskins QB) and supported him longer than the stats or his actual on-field performance justified. I wish to commit against doing the same with Jason Campbell.

In any event, I'm not the only one who hasn't given up on him. Per ESPN The Mag's Top 5 players who will "blow up" (whatever that means) this season:

JASON CAMPBELL, QB, WASHINGTON REDSKINS We like this for a lot of reasons: (1) his new coach is Jim Zorn, a good QB in his own right; (2) Portis/Cooley and company give him a bunch of weapons; and (3) we like guys from undefeated teams in college—oh wait.

I concur that playing under Jim Zorn will certainly help Campbell as much or more than any other player on the team. But now I flee this discussion and submit it to readers to sort out amongst yourselves.

Elsewhere (ATTENTION CHRIS MOTTRAM: The stalker is absotively posilutely not, not, not played out and don't you dare change) Jamie Mottram hollared at me about a Chris Cooley interview available here or something. (As per usual, CptChaosSidekick was on point -- he misses nothing.) I was going to post about it but then Mr. Irrelevant went all blogotastic on my face and beat me to the punch, which is just as well 'cuz I found his take delicious. Among other topics discussed:

3. Albert Haynesworth is a piece of shit. Well, he didn’t say that in so many words, but he did, when asked about dirty players, tell a story about Haynesworth blindsiding him on an interception return in the Pro Bowl. There’s a thin line between that and Sean Taylor laying out Brian Moorman, sure, but at least that dude was carrying the ball. Plus, punter’s drop like a house of cards. And, oh yeah, Haynesworth is the same guy who stomped on Andre Gurode’s helmet-less head.

Mr I. has some pretty phenomenal commenters who do good works. A representative sampling:

Nationalcoholic Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 7:58 am

In Haynesworth’s defense, who hasn’t thought of cleating a Cowboy’s face?

Also, pretty much everything The Mayor types makes me laugh robust-like.

Final word and them I have to return to taking care of my infirm girlfriend, I just want to shout at The Curly R's Ben Folsom for doing right in this space in my weekend celebration: I was at a wedding, I was indeed in it, but couldn't have asked for a better website caretaker in my absence. Maybe if reader(s) ask real super nice style he'll decide to stick around on a regular basis. In truth, I wish Ben would join me here permanently at Hogs Haven and have told him as much through email, though now make my intentions known publicly in the hopes he posts more more more here. He usually disagrees with me which is why he's usually right, and this place is in desparate need of correctness, as I can't be bothered to provide much of it. But you already knew that.

Despite the best efforts of Extreme Skins, Chief Zee lost the Most Fierce NFL Mascot Competition to Poe the Raven of the once-irrelevant now-hated Baltimore Ravens. Son of a bitch.

Final vote was 52% in favor of Poe, 48% in favor of Chief Zee. Congratulations CBS Sports, you've managed to split this already horribly divided nation once more. Inexplicably Poe the Raven, who I had not even heard of until this competition, defeated the greatest sports fan in the history of the NFL. I would lament through poetry but it's been done.

It's not worth thinking about.

So, in other "news," let's talk about the running backs. Washington Times goes first spoken through their new fan blogger, Robert Janis, trying to identify the greatest Redskins RB of all time. After much deliberation, his list:

So taking into account the stats, the honors/awards and having seen each one play, here is my selection of the best Redskins running backs in order:

John Riggins -- It really couldn't be anyone else. Watching that touchdown run against the Dolphins to win a Super Bowl is enough to make him #1.

Larry Brown -- The stats prove it, the awards prove it and his running style proves it. He could have played for a few more years if George Allen didn't over use him. 

Steven Davis -- No doubt a surprise to you. Definitely a surprise to me. But his stats make him worthy -- yards and touchdowns -- and he went on to prove himself with another team -- Carolina Panthers.  I don't think Turner and Marty knew how to use him. And Spurrier let him go for a guy name, what? Trunge Candidate??

Clinton Portis -- His numbers are good and he's still playing. And he's a good team leader. I think he keeps things lose in the locker room. I just wish that he could add a Super Bowl to his resume.

Ernest Byner -- I debated placing Byner third or fourth. After all he did help us reach and win a Super Bowl.

I don't beef with the list and would say that after Riggins, Brown, and Davis (and it shouldn't surprise anyone -- he was a great Redskins RB), I'm not sure I either am capable of contributing much to the discussion or willing to do so. That's the cream of the crop with everyone else just looking up, for now, as far as I'm concerned (CP isn't distant). I think Terry Allen might be better than Ernest Byner as well.

Elsewhere, at ESPN, Jeremy Green has running game rankings for all the teams. I can't afford the entire article, but the one showing up on this link happens to have a Redskins blurb. Enjoy:

12. Washington Redskins

Clinton Portis is one of the most underrated RBs in the NFL. In six seasons, he has topped the 1,200-yard mark five times. The only season he didn't top 1,000 yards was in 2006, when he played only eight games due to injury. Though nicked at times, he has shown the toughness to play through injury. One of his biggest issues has been fumbling and he put it on the ground six times last season. In 2006 with an injured Portis out, Ladell Betts totaled 1,154 yards. He struggled last year because he didn't get enough touches, but he is one of the better backups in the NFL.

Don't disagree with much here, either. If one of the backs is going to get criticized for fumbling, though, it should be Betts. Portis drops the ball around once every 77 carries, Betts around once every 55 carries. Beyond that fumbling issue, the question raised here implicitly is whether Betts will improve as his touches increase, which is predicated on... his touches increasing. I think they will, but can anyone put to print a reasonable explanation as to why that will happen this year? I need help in the comments section, as I have no reasonable basis for that belief that I'm currently capable of articulating. And yet, my gut sayeth: Betts must have more carries.

What caught my eye more than the ranking is the heading of the list, which reads:

Rankings show just how far some running games have fallen

Of course this isn't true. What rankings show are just one person's interpretation of the results, either future-predicted or past-in-review. What shows how far a team's running game has fallen or not are actual results. I only point this out because I'm as guilty as anyone of overstating the importance of lists when, YARLY, they don't mean much of anything.

Monday Morning Punter of KSK sends Deadspin's Will Leitch off appropriately, pointing out:

I'm glad to be here at the latest Blogfrica Circle Jerk. Seriously, if we spent any more time discussing ourselves, we'd get a cease-and-desist from Mark Cuban.

And yet, Will Leitch is an important enough fixture in what it is we do that I can't resist talking about him even after reading that QED moment from MMP. I'd ask reader(s) to forgive me, but I don't have any.

I love Deadspin, read it daily, have for years. Will has presented good sports stories with glibly glibness that was simply the glibbest work about, and it spoke to me. I imagine it spoke to a lot of my ilk who: a) loved sports, b) felt that seriousness reporting over an inherently childish topic (my bat is bigger than your bat) was worth discouraging, c) agreed that sports entertainment is best done democratically and d) still laughed at dick and fart jokes.

Will Leitch is leaving Deadspin for apparently greener pastures (I question the possibility of that) at New York Magazine, huzzah. He couldn't resist because:

It wins National Magazine Awards.

Alright.

And although Will promises to continue writing at Deadspin, it will never be the same without his ward oversight. Leitch was never a sports fan who happened to  be a good writer, he was always an amazingly talented one who happened to write about sports. I would say his move to the New York Magazine (or wherever) was anticipated, because he was simply too talented to be wasting his time on some blog -- gross. But that can't be true, because he turned Deadspin into every bit as much a prestigious writing institution, at least among a non-trivially sized demographic that happens to include me, as any rag he'd later join.

Now for the part that Punter predicted, where we can't help but talk about ourselves. Everyone who reads this site knows what Deadspin is and exactly seven people who read Deadspin know what this site is, so know how ridiculous I feel congratulating Leitch, as if he knew or cared or needed the likes of me to say cheers and tits. But the two praises I'll sing for Deadspin are:

1. Connection with his site is largely the metric by which the rest of us scrubs measure our success. A good day of blogging is one where Leitch says your name. Good blogs have their names said.

2. I can't recall him ever linking here.

If you can judge character well, you'll never fail.

Whatever and wherever he writes, I'll keep reading. Best of luck to Will Leitch.

It's been too long since I posted about Chris Cooley. With that in mind, please enjoy either this Todd Yoder blog entry at the CC website over good/bad/UGLY pranks:

The latest in this line of pranks was the placement of someone’s car keys in an empty Gatorade bottle; the bottle was then filled with urine and frozen. Defrosting piss can be a daunting task just to recover your keys. Not to mention the psychological damage that it has incurred with the thought that every time you start your car you are touching keys that have been immersed in another man's piss.

 

 

 

 

 

That's some hate(rade). In any event, I've now googled frozen urine and came up with these interesting facts: 1) Your piss freezes at -5 C , 2) frozen piss is also a useful means of beating drug tests.

Or you could enjoy Cooley with Dale, Jr. at the track probably to be posted somewhere else on this site later. I'm not even a NASCAR fan, but I've now made two consecutive posts referencing the sport.

No, the real point of this post is to discourage young man below from cutting off his hair:

This is democracy. Some people selfishly decide that, hey, I'm going to go cut my hair without consulting thousands of strangers via the internet. Chris Cooley says balderdash to all that because he believes in you America anyone with an internet connection, and trusts you to make crucial grooming decisions on behalf of others. Notice the hair above? He asks:

Should he Cut the Cooley Fro off?

This space says no, and no is winning as of this writing 602 (includes me) for keeping the shag and 165 for cutting.

I've got nothing else today.

This post was too timely not to write, given that I recently found myself in the market for a new vehicle and owed some positive blog-space to Demetric Evans for questioning his future with the team as recently as yesterday. I didn't get to say all I wanted in yesterday's post, but let me quickly express appreciation for what Evans has done in Washington. He has been a consistent and reliable backup on a defense that has been very, very strong in three of the four years he's been with the team. His part in all that should not be ignored, which is why Redskins 360 (probably correctly) predicted him as a lock to make the team.

It turns out Demetric Evans is an intern at a car dealership :

Evans took an internship at Infinity of Tysons Corner in order to learn everything about the automobile business. He has always been one to make the most of every opportunity...

Evans said he's not really a car guy but he has spent time studying the industry during NFL-sponsored programs at the Harvard and Northwestern business schools.

The suggested long-term plan is for Evans to eventually own a dealership. I don't know how quickly one can make the leap from intern to owner, but I presume it's much quicker for those few individuals blessed with million dollar incomes over the past few years and a name relatively popular amongst the locals.

This isn't actually "news." DC Sports Bogger and highly approvable Washington Post reporter Dan Steinberg already had her (the story, that is):

Anyhow, Evans has never had a "real job," although he's already interned for a TV station in Texas and taken seminars for NFL players at the Harvard Business School and Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management. He's also got an offseason reading list; this year's entries included "Enough" by Juan Williams. His wife has questioned his motives--"she thinks I'm up there trying to get a dealer car," he joked--and almost none of his teammates know about his new job. I suggested his time might be better spent at the beach, but Evans demurred.

Having lost my own auto, I wouldn't begrudge Evans one bit were he just there trying to get a great deal on a brand new Infiniti. As for the reading... pretty heavy stuff, from the looks of it. Certainly heavier than anything I'd hoped to blog about this morning after settling on an article about our backup defensive end interning at a car dealership. I had planned on ending with a campy car dealership commercial -- there's no other kind -- via youtube, but this is as good a chance to post my current favorite commercial as ever:

It's cars, right? When it comes to Skin Patrol, the story ends with Skin Patrol putting Skin Patrol into the wall. (Tragically, true story.)

For all you NASCAR fans, make sure to spend some time at our very own Restrictor Plate This. I think RPT is just a little bit too down on Kyle Busch, but besides that it's a phenomenal racing blog, if you're into that kind of thing.

Also, soliciting advice from reader(s) on what I should purchase as far as a new vehicle is concerned. My spending limit is some amount less than "quality" but more than "may cause exploding" if only by a nose. Have at it.