[editor's note, by Skin Patrol] indulge me only for a moment to comment on a non-Redskin, totally blog/blogger/nerd-alert related story that should interest only those of us with websites that post anonymously or semi-anonymously. If you don't want to read it, please don't. I curse a lot.

Kissing Suzy Kolber is one of my favorite websites. Unsilent Majority aka Jack Kogod is one of my favoritest bloggers in all the internets, and he writes for KSK. He's also about as strong a Redskins fan as exists, anywhere, ever, in history. One of his blogging colleagues is Christmas Ape who also happened to be a real journalist for the Washington Post, up until he ousted himself as the kind of totally unprofessional immoral monster that would dare consume alcohol. Full details are here.

The truncated versions of events is:

1. Christmas Ape is totally awesome on KSK for a long time.
   
2. During this time, Christmas Ape also writes and works for the Washington Post, I have no idea how awesome he is at doing that, I've never read his articles.
   
3. KSK gets purchased and is now legit and can fund its bloggers.
   
4. Bloggers begin coming out of the (blogging) closet -- former Redskin Michael Westbrook freaks shit and checks behind his shoulder -- by shedding anonymity. Something like this happened.
   
5. Christmas Ape exposes himself to the world as a blogger and a responsible human being.
   
6. In the offending post he admits he was "totally fucking hammered", which is not only morally normal behavior but Constitutionally protected. The 21st Amendment to the Constitution reads: If your team goes to the Super Bowl and you are at the game and you aren't fucking hammered, it's your ass, and we mean serious old school your ass, like Article III Section 3 Corruption of Blood shit.
   
7. Ok so there is some dispute about whether he was fired or resigned.

I don't really have a horse in this race since it appears Christmas Ape is better off anyways for the firing. My only problem is that the fact a guy who happens to be employed somewhere gets drunk at the Super Bowl is even remotely controversial reflects a terrifying level of insecurity that is cultural pervasive. Would I be "fucking hammered" if I were at a Super Bowl in which the Redskins were participating? Yea, even if I were 117 years old, so long as there is alcohol in my veins I'll up its blood content in celebration of the Redskins going to the Super Bowl. I got drunk when we beat the Cardinals last year, for chrissake. I guess I'll be jobless forever, which surely serves the greater good as a bunch of drunk, unemployed, foam parrot hugging lunatics wandering the streets from 9 to 5 is just what this country needs more of.

I don't know whether it was Seymour Lipset or Richard Lamm or Jared Diamond or Arnold Toynbee, but whoever said that societies never die from murder, only suicide, just about had it right. The Washington Post is an American Institution of note. If succumbing to the grape at the Super Bowl -- and, really, would anything less be appropriate???? I wouldn't trust anyone who doesn't drink at the Super Bowl! -- is this culture's idea of morally corrupt behavior, then we've already pulled the trigger.

Bla. Back to Redskins.

There isn't a lot of Redskins news happening so I'm going to take the opportunity to shamelessly soft soap some literature to reader(s). Though actual news is pending, since the schedule comes out in a few hours. As I will be in class when it does, I hope at least one reader or contributor will take the time to get the schedule up on this site as soon as it is released so I can promote to the front page when I have the chance. In other quick hits Redskins related minutiae: Ben returns, finally, you can go watch Chris Cooley's workouts at his blog, the Mayor says Fuck Philly with some help from Gheorge Muresan, etc.

First up on the literature front is Kenny Mayne's new book: An Incomplete & Inaccurate History of Sport* where * references the longest subtitle in book history. Full Disclosure alert: Yours truly received a free copy of this book. In the interests of receiving free literature in the future I am shilling for Kenny Mayne, although I should say that I actually do enjoy Mayne and think he's a funny, funny guy. I was raised by SportsCenter in the early 90s (my parents were busy) and considered the likes of Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann and Craig Kilborn and Kenny Mayne surrogates. That was back when I was young and naive enough to still think I could impact the world substantially, say by being President or, if I were really ambitious, claiming witty one-liners on SportsCenter next to the likes of Chris Berman. So just for your own edification and for ethical disclosure, know that my opinion of Kenny Mayne, and by extension his book, is probably irrationally influenced towards the positive. If you're still interested in more details of the book, go check out the website and reach your own conclusions. I have not yet read the book, I received the damn thing yesterday, but will begin attacking it later today, probably from a toilet. I'm assured by the book's jacket that completion of the book takes no longer than one hour; I'm skeptical. The bulk of it is devoted to Football, "the greatest sport in the world and everyone knows it." If you need encouragement, note that Seinfeld once held a high opinion of Mayne too, although it isn't clear that is still the case:

In any event, don't you want me to get free books? I'm poor.

My book shilling is not complete. You'll notice that I added a banner on the left side of the website that links to Press Box Legends where you can purchase the Darrell Green Hail To The Hall of Famer publication, that I have in my possession right now. I'd suggest getting the expensive 64 dollar combo deal where you get a Darrell Green signed copy of the publication as well as a regular one. Mostly because the more you spend on that link, apparently, the more money I get, since I get reimbursed for referrals. If you are feeling especially spiteful -- even though I'm a poor, starving, and starving, and poor student -- you can go buy the book here without any amount of money finding my pocket. Now I don't have to feel bad about trying to dupe anyone into lining my own pockets.

But the truth is I'd be promoting this publication sans any financial incentive: First, because I love Darrell Green. I love Darrell Green enough to have mentioned him on at least 33 separate occasions here and have enormous respect for him as a defensive back, as a Redskin, and as a human being. He was the best defensive back perhaps in the entire history of the NFL, but turns out he was twice as good off the field as he was on it; see: Darrell Green Youth Life Foundation.

Second, because there is a publication with Darrell Green's name on it, with an exclusive interview with Darrell Green in it, that Darrell Green is actually signing, that also happens to mention some website and some guy. As a result, that some website and some guy, admittedly in an insignificant way but one I embrace wholeheartedly, will forever be inked in peripheral association with Darrell Green. I quote from the chapter "A Redskin For Life" by Neal Shaffer, billed as "a writer based in Baltimore and a regular contributor to Pressbox" and who I am eternally indebted to and owe many a free beverage (and you can check out his website here), emphasis added:

And it goes on and I'm flattered they decided to include anything I wrote in the publication. The fact is that I'm woefully inadequate at the task of producing words befitting a player and person of Darrell Green magnitude and yet I got to be a(n admittedly insignificant) part of Darrell Green's history. I don't give a shit what anyone else says, I'm pretty pleased about it.

Anyways, I'm not done reading it yet but will try to do so as soon as school simmers down. I encourage you all to at least check out the website (here). Once I've finished reading this and Kenny Mayne's book, I'll get full reviews up though you've no good reason to necessarily wait and take my word for it. Cheers.

Read more of the story here.  From the article:

Wow.  Surprising stuff.  I have a feeling that the knee injury is a little more serious than the team first let on.  I'm just glad that the team resigned Collins.

This changes the team's need in the draft a bit.  Think Brohm is worth the #21 pick?  Anyway, hit up the comments section.  Sad day for the 'Stache.

P.S. The Raiders pick of McFadden in the SBN draft is up over at Mocking the Draft.  Stay tuned for the Chiefs pick later today.

There is a God; my favorite player on my favorite team is now a blogger. My reaction was totally predictable, as Dan Steinberg points out:

In my case he's only wrong about one thing; there is no exception. Chris Cooley is the most fascinating player in the NFL and he happens to play for a team I write about daily. And now he has a blog. About precisely the kind of thing most fans find banal for all the right reasons yet I embrace because they're simply too funny and bizarre not to. See: I actually care that Chris Cooley took 21 shots on his girlfriend's 21st birthday, at a strip club. Is that creepy? Probably.

Here is his blog and it is going up on the blogroll immediately. Dan says the entire thing is a scheme to get Cooley's younger brother some money for school, which is fine by me since I'm a sympathetic unemployed student with no income writing a blog. Enjoy, for example, this Pro Bowl entry:

Hail to Captain Chaos.

PS, Mr. Irrelevant knows what time it is.

First, this is a March Madness open thread. I hadn't done one until now because there are a million better places on the Internet to go to discuss March Madness than my shit Redskins blog, though knock yourselves out here. My brackets all have Kansas winning the championship against Texas, because I'm a Big 12 homer. My favorite team couldn't even make the NIT.

Second, the famous Dead Tree Crew (see here and here) has now become more famouser. They've gone film and official, says Mister Irrelevant:

Suffice to say I agree. Dead Tree Crew Official Website is going up on the blogroll right now.

Third and in conclusion, speaking of blogroll, it's in need of some updating, which I'll get to some time this year. For now, the newest entry into the Redskins nerdblog-o-sphere is Beltway Braves. Go enjoy, I will, daily, because that's what I do.

Update [2008-3-20 16:49:32 by Skin Patrol]: What the deuce I forgot to post the video. Enjoy, though know it is NOT safe for work, because DTC is too awesome to be safe for work. Video from Mr. I:

Update [2008-3-20 16:54:3 by Skin Patrol]: You have to watch the video if you haven't already. The Mayor with Dan Steinberg might be the funniest video clip I've ever watched. The gentleman's timing is perfect, I am morally convinced he and Dan smoked pot later.

Look, even I can't make this shit up. Per Hometown Annapolis which alleges to be the web site of The Capital:

To his enormous credit, neither could many fans, who had no idea that someone else's quarterbacks coach could go from that to our offensive coordinator to our head coach in a matter of weeks. The article also mentions another point that didn't get much carriage here but probably should have, that being that Zorn's former employers must've also been a bit surprised by the move: So now the imperative to beat Seattle grows. As much as I appreciate those bright fellows over at Field Gulls, the Seahawks have pooped the Redskins out of their last two playoff appearances. Now we combine that with the comparable indignity that they don't even think our head coach is worthy of being their offensive coordinator? Something needs to be done about that west coast (excepting their offenses; we'll need that).

Briefly related, John Czarnecki is covering the combine and has a few Redskins tidbits. The first:

Zorn may have pledges his alleged allegiance to Jason Campbell in merely asserting him as the starter (which surely Todd Collins must've known long before such a pronouncement was made publicly) but that doesn't mean the Redskins don't want to keep Todd Collins; Jim Zorn said so. Whatever "allegiance" was pledged to JC, it didn't extend to Collins getting the boot.

Also, speculation on John's part but interesting nonetheless. We might have had a Seattle head coach not-named Jim Zorn:

I'm not really sure what this is. It claims to be a Timeline of the Santa Maria Valley (something to do with wine) since 1824. Exciting entries include:

No bullshit, huh? Trees? And who could forget: But the biggest news in this slice of America's history: As The Redskin Report points out in a lengthy FA and Cap post, Santa Maria's timeline may soon be added to with: March 1, 2008: Quarterback Mark Brunell (St. Joseph High School graduate) no longer with the Washington Redskins. As Lee Gibbons TRR contributor Bill points out: I'm not averse to keeping Mark Brunell, but it will have to be on the cheap. Redskins Insider has Zorn on Brunell: If we can keep Todd Collins, than Mark Brunell ain't number two and I haven't the foggiest idea whether he'd really want to stick around. I think he could be a backup quarterback somewhere, if not here. If he can swallow pride and stick around in Washington for a minute, I'd be happy to keep him as a reliable, cheap 3rd string veteran quarterback who can continue to assist in the development of Jason Campbell. Seeing as he bought a 3.7 million dollar mansion just weeks ago, I hope he's comfortable staying in town in whatever capacity he's needed. Or else he just retires. Oh well.

"What if?"  I know this sounds lame, but bear with me for a while.  If at the end of this post you still can't go with it, feel free to let me have it.  Hell, Skin Patrol's mother let me have it just the other night.  (Zing!)  We're off and running:

So, as we started, What if Jim Zorn was actually the best candidate interviewed by Vinny and Dan Dan the Interviewing Man?

And what if, putting any and all criticisms of said Front Office All Stars aside (for now), they actually were trying to find the right guy over the course of the weeks they spent searching?

What if Jim Fassel was nothing but a washed up media liability?

And what if Mooch was just putting on a show behind the scenes as leverage for the NFL Network?  (His contract is coming up soon, yeah?)

What if he interviewed poorly and had nothing new to add to the table that Zorn didn't already bring to said table?

And what if Spags really is a few years away from being NFL-head-coach ready?

And what if Meeks wasn't ready himself?  Or what if what Zorn/new offensive coordinator/Blanche bring is better than what Meeks/whatever offensive/defensive coordinators he chose could offer?

And what if Jim Mora really just does like the Pacific Northwest that much.  Hell, he got fired in Atlanta for it (basically.)

And what if the fact that almost everyone that interviewed happened to mention Jim Zorn is a sign?

And what if he takes the other side of the Jason Garrett argument, that is to say let the guy who you really want in a few years from now learn on the fly, make his own mistakes, and grow up as a head coach?

And what if he really is the next big thing?

Carrying on that last one, what if he is the next big thing and we hire him as OC for a year or two before someone else catches on and he goes on to be the next big thing elsewhere?  How much would you (myself included) let the Front Office All Stars have it?

And what if Holmgren really is the strongest branch of the Walsh tree and Marinelli was just an aberation?  (Look at Reid, Mooch, and Childress has a good thing going in MIN.)

I mean, what if Zorn really is the right coach at the right time with the right system and right set of leadership skills for this team?

What if everything that is seen as a negative about him turns out wrong and what if he actually lives up to the hype?

I mean... what if the ownership actually got one right and we can't recognize it because it seems like all the wrong things at this ever-so early stage?

What if, in a few years, you had to apologize for the criticism of Dan Dan the I Told You So Man?

What then?

So Jim Zorn had a press conference today (go see for yourself at The Official Site). I'm downloading it right now as I missed it in real time, but both Redskins Insider and The Bog did highlights from it. Per the Bog, er...

Researching your employer prior to an interview is either vastly overrated or else Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerrato just stared at Jim blankly throughout the interview process. Yes, he'll do just fine.

Other news, per Redskins Insider:

I sure hope so, and also that that was the plan from minute one. Bill Lazor ditched town just a bit too soon; had he stuck around he might have landed himself an OC position. Is Al Saunders still available? Oh well. I'd note that our sack percentage increased from 2006 to 2007. I don't know how much that is attributable to Jason holding on to the ball a second too long, but to his credit we were far more banged up on the O-Line than we were a year prior. This certainly caused a brand new fumbling problem but still I think Campbell handled it well. Though he threw five more picks in '07 than he did in '06, his int % actually decreased from 2.9% to 2.6%.

Here is an alleged link to video from the press conference, though I can't get the damn thing to work properly.

Pro Football Talk weighs in on their crazy theory of why Jim Zorn got hired that is actually lacking in the "crazy" department:

Right now that's heresay, but it's heresay that makes too much sense to dismiss outright.

Sportz Assassin at AOL Fanhouse weighs in on Zorn's pedigree:

And how much patience Dan needs from me and my ilk: I'm a patient dude. Unless my owner is Dan Snyder Al Davis? Aww, shit.

I don't know what that means. Try deciphering this:

So Joe Gibbs is a Nascar guru, and now LaRon Landry is breaking out in NHRA which apparently relates to drag racing. A buell is probably a motorcycle produced by Buell Motorcycle Company. I'm practically Sherlock fucking Holmes!

For my enormous contingent of reader(s) that also happen to be huge fans of NHRA POWERade Series Motorcycle drag racing, I've now resolved any conflicts you had about which driver/racer/whatever you should support. LaRon Landry's Motorsports Dirty 30 is worthy of your cheers.