FanPost

Hating with H8 - Dallas Edition




Well ladies and gentlemen, it's been a tough year for us. RGThreezus has been crucified, died and been buried. We can only hope that in the third season he will rise again, to judge the quick and the dead.

But while we wait for RGThrezzus' resurrection, we can look forward to the birth of two things this holiday season.

1. Baby Jesus. Or as Cowboys fans pronounce it (HEY-ZUUS)

2. A playoff spot for whomever plays the Cowboys in Week 17.

We all know how this will play out right? The Redskins will beat the Cowboys this week. The Bears will beat the Eagles. And a Week 17 Showdown/Choke-down will be set up for Sunday Night Football.

At this point, it's as predictable and timely as TNT's 24-hour 'A Christmas Story' marathon. But instead of watching Ralphie throw hay makers at Scott Farkus all day, we get to see Tony Romo throw passes like he just had his eye shot out with a Red Rider.

I can't wait. And salty ass 'Cowboys' fans from trailer parks all over South Boston, Virginia are going to rip off their Yankees hats, spit Bud Light Lime all over their non-authentic LeBron James jersey, and immediately use their neighbors' wi-fi to spew unintelligible nonsense on Yahoo.com.

Then of course come the Tony apologists.

"He has one of the best passer ratings ever."

" He has (insert number) of 4th quarter and OT comebacks. BUT DON'T NOBODY TALK ABOUT THAT SMH."

"I SHOULDN'T HAVE WORN MY UNLUCKY DUKE BASKETBALL JERSEY!" When of course the person typing that sentence couldn't get into Piedmont Community College, much less Duke.

Oh how I Iove the holiday spirit.

Of course last year, Rob Ryan was fired after the annual Week 17 Choke Bowl for not being able to stop the 'college stuff.'

He was promptly replaced with the man, who at this point can't stop his own bladder, much less Matt Flynn.

OH, OH! What's that? RG3-11? IRG3? We're not worried. Kirk Cousins is going to drop 38 on Dallas. Dez might as well walk to the locker room now.

I'm not convinced that when Dallas gets smoked twice to end the season, that Garrett will be fired. Jerry Jones will simply hire different coordinators, stick his hand up up Jason Garrett's ass and hold press conferences by using Garrett's warm body as a ventriloquist doll.

Reporter: "So Coach Garrett, why did you not run the ball when you were up 57-3 at halftime?"

*Jason's mouth moves, but Jerry is clearly talking at a high pitch, while drinking scotch from a glass like it's a magic trick or something.

"We wanted to stay aggressive."

*Scotch spills on Jerry's shirt, but some dude quickly wipes it off. I think it's his son-in law.

Reporter: "What did you say to Tony after his 10th pick six of the second half?"

Ventriloquist Jason: "I said, we need to stay aggressive. Tony may have called an audi.."

*Jerry smacks Ventriloquist Jason and says "That's enough."

Redskins fans at least have something to look forward to in the new year. A new coach. A bunch of salary cap room. A healthy RGIII. Picks for Kirk Cousins. There's a glorious light at the end of the tunnel.

The only things the Cowboys fans can look forward to, besides the McRib, $1.50 off Newport coupons and the methadone clinic opening, are Jerry franchising Anthony Spencer for the 8th year in a row and hoping Sean Lee's body doesn't crumble into graham cracker pie crust.

Merry Christmas to all.

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