Time for a new/old weekly feature here at Hogs Haven: The Redskins Hater, a column about the Washington Redskins from the perspective of someone who was driven to Dallas Cowboys fandom as a kid in 1982 by the misfortune of having lived in the D.C. area during a Redskins Super Bowl run. It's an old feature because The Redskins Hater ran as a weekly column in the Fauquier Times-Democrat (Va.) in 2008-09. But it's new, because now it's in blog form over at http://theredskinshater.blogspot.com, not to mention here as a series of ironically-named "fanposts." Here's my take on the 'Skins/'Hawks game, with some help from a Catholic theologian:
On "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," the title character's nemesis is the Hellmouth, a portal that allows demons to enter our world and inflict evil upon the land. Right around 7:30 p.m. EST Sunday, those superheroes the Seattle Seahawks slammed the door shut on the Hailmouth, a gateway to darkness that had allowed seven straight wins to come up to the surface and give Redskins fans dreams of their first Super Bowl win in 21 years.
Even better, this was a painful defeat for the 'Skins, who led 14-0 after two possessions and looked primed to do to the Seahawks what the Seahawks had been doing to their opponents the past few weeks. By the fourth quarter, the 'Skins had remembered they were the 'Skins, literally falling over each other to be the goat of the game. Goats are in the bovidae family, but these four truly qualified for bovi-duh status:
1) Will Montgomery. In playoff lore, there's The Catch, The Drive, The Fumble, and now for 'Skins fans, the Snap. With Washington trailing by a touchdown in the fourth quarter and backed up to their own 12-yard-line, center Montgomery snapped it a yard or so to the left of quarterback Robert Griffin III. Griffin, caught up in the momentum of his dropback, never got a finger on the ball, and it lay there for a few seconds until Clinton McDonald fell on it for the Seahawks. RGIII's knee buckled during the onslaught, ending his night, and Steven Hauschka ended the 'Skins night with his 22-yard field goal.
2) DeAngelo Hall. What does $23 million in guaranteed money and a maximum of $55 million get you? If you're the Redskins, it gets you a cornerback that Marshawn Lynch can leave flatfooted for the last 23 yards he needs for the go-ahead-for-good rushing touchdown.
3) Leonard Hankerson. This second-year wideout heils from St. Thomas Aquinas High School (Fla.), which derives its name from Aquinas, the 13th-century Catholic patron saint of education. When Aquinas failed a theological disputation at university, chair of theology Albertus Magnus said, "We call him the dumb ox, but in his teaching he will one day produce such a bellowing that it will be heard throughout the world."
Hankerson's "dumb ox" moment came early in the fourth quarter, a dropped ball on third-and-7 that would've given the 'Skins a new set of downs around midfield. Instead, Hankerson had to settle for an immediate bellowing from 'Skins fans heard throughout Landover, Md.
4) RGIII. For all the accolades, RGIII could not transcend his rookie status in the end, taking a 12-yard sack on his final drive rather than throw the ball away. This blunder backed the 'Skins up to the point where that bad snap was downright fatal, rather than merely catastrophic.
The result of all this was pure Redskins Hater porn: shot after shot of despondent Redskins fans from the FOX broadcast team as RGIII was helped off the field. Cheer up Fur Coat Lady, at least you still have that fur coat to keep you warm throughout the suddenly four-weeks-longer offseason!
All in all, a good day. Just about nailed it on the pick: had the point-spread (a 10-point Seattle win), but was a little off on the score (24-14, not 27-17). More on the game (and I do mean "moron") to come over at the blog, including the whole RGIII post-injury mess and a look at what was probably the last national TV mention of RGIII predecessor RG-Zilch: Rex Grossman.The Redskins Hater is Dave O'Connell, a Redskins-hating superhero whose Clark Kent identity is sportswriter at The Messenger in Madisonville, Ky. For more regular doses of Redskins hatery, come on over to http://theredskinshater.blogspot.com .