Hating With H8: Tampa Bay Edition

This Sunday the Washington Redskins will travel to Raymond James Stadium, in Tampa, Florida, to take on the Buccaneers in front of a crowd of thousands hundreds I don't know...maybe 20 or 30? I guess the security guards will watch right? Maybe the vendors will glance at the game every now and then?

Bucs fans do know the regular season has started right? The home-opener against Carolina looked like the 4th quarter of the 4th preseason game.

I've seen more people at IHOP for 'free pancake day' than at the Bucs' home-opener. I've seen more people at McDonald's for '$.25 lemonade day'. I've seen a bigger crowd at Chick-fil-a for 'I hate gay people day', and that was on a Sunday, when Chick-fil-a is closed.

The Redskins and the Bucs have quite a bit of history. Bruce Allen and Raheem Morris are both former employees of the Bucs. Doug Williams left the Bucs and a few years later won a Super Bowl with the Redskins. HA-HA! Brad Johnson went from the Redskins to the Bucs and won a Super Bowl. Face Palm! In 1999 the Bucs came to D.C. and won a playoff game. In 2005 the Redskins went to Tampa and won a playoff game.

Oh, and overrated white guy Mike Alstott didn't get in.

So we meet again Suckaneers!

You know what really annoys me about this game? The Redskins were hit with a penalty for violating "the spirit of the salary cap." Meanwhile, the Glazers, more interested in euro-trash soccer, spend about $13.65 in salary like some kind of charity case.

Oh, but come 2012, SURPRISE! Suddenly they have a gazillion dollars to go get Vincent '.08' Jackson and Carl Nicks. Weird.

But those two aren't going to help Jew-fro rocking' Muppet Baby Josh Freeman, who by the way looks like the love child of Bob Ross and Wendy Williams.

A few interesting Wikipedia nuggets about Tampa:

Tampa is rated sixth onMaxim magazine's list of top party cities.

I'm sure Vincent Jackson will do just fine there.

The area has become a "de-facto" headquarters of professional wrestling

Ever meet a dude who was just too old to be that into wrestling? It's weird. I was down at Wrightsville Beach one weekend, and one of my sister's friends brought her new boyfriend. So we're all sitting on the beach, drinking beer and having a good time. Since this dude didn't know any of us, I wanted to make him feel comfortable, so I offered him a beer. Then, as it goes with any dude you're trying to have BS uncomfortable conversation with, I figure I'll try to talk sports with him.

Me: "So, you excited for football season to start back up?"

Him: "Not really. Did you catch the John Cena match last night?"

Uhhhhhh...dude, you're like 30. I haven't watched wrestling since Mankind was thrown off the top of a cage.

Anyway, Tampa is filled with these losers.

Tampa is home to several death metal bands, an extreme form of heavy metal music that evolved from thrash metal. Many of the genre's pioneers and foremost figures are based in and around the city. Chief among these are Cannibal Corpse, Deicide, Six Feet Under,Obituary, and Morbid Angel.

You know who plays in 'death metal' bands and likes 'death metal?' Pizza delivery drivers that smoke Camels, wear Jnco jeans and have that horrible haircut where it's really long, but shaved underneath. Not to mention they sniffed glue in high school and still post 9/11 theories on Facebook.

Underground hip-hop group Equilibrium is based out of Tampa, as well as the Christianmetalcore band,Underoath.

Never heard of Equilibrium. They're probably horrible. But what the f is Christian Metal Core? Hardcore Christian rock? I'm willing to bet these guys sniff Oxycontin off the butt cheeks of male strippers in the back of their touring van...which is perfectly normal behavior in Tampa, especially considering the RNC was just there.

Tampa sounds like a truly horrible place to call home. Unless of course you're a high school dropout who likes death metal, professional wrestling and mediocre football.

27-20 Redskins.

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