Ahhhh Yes! Fantasy Freaking Football

Thank the Lord for whomever invented fantasy football. I look forward to my fantasy draft every single year.

The fantasy draft symbolizes the NFL season is near. It’s like Christmas Eve before the week one games.

But, unlike some of my better prepared players, I just get really drunk and start picking Redskins players around the 4th round. "Oh Santana Moss is available! Take that shit bitches, he’s having a comeback year. 2005 all over again. WHAT WHAT!"

Then the next day I look at my roster like you look at a fat girl in your bed after a night of Jager. MISTAKE! All my friends are laughing at me and I don’t feel good, plus I should probably go to a clinic of some sort.

Won’t happen this year. I’ll try to stay sober and make wise picks. But if I don’t , let’s see how Pro Football Focus has rated our beloved Redskins for the upcoming fantasy season, shall we?

Robert Griffin III :

PFF has rated the Redskins’ new quarterback 8th overall in their fantasy rankings. He is projected to throw for 3,749 yards, 23 TDs and 20 INTs. Also he is projected to rush for 579 yards and 4 TDs.

To put his fantasy projection into perspective, he is between Peyton Manning at seven and Matthew Stafford at nine.

Excuse me for a minute… *grabs lotion* *pap pap pap pap pap pap*…Okay, I’m bbbbback. Fuck, the keyboard got sticky.

The eighth best quarterback should go in what, like the third round or something?

I would take him in the first round.

Roy Helu Jr. :

Mike Shanahan can ruin your fantasy football wetdream. I do not recommend drafting a Shanahan running back under any circumstances.

Why? Because you think he’s about to start Roy Helu, and Roy will go off for 148 yards and a TD.

Shanahan waits until 12:00 on gameday, once your roster is set to throw in Ryan Torain…who sucks.

But in case you were wondering what Helu is projected to do by PFF, here it is.

830 rushing yards and 7 TDs, and 36 receptions for 249 yards and 1 TD.

Fred Davis :

Players shouldn’t be suspended for smoking pot. If anything they should be recognized for extra effort. I mean, imagine getting paranoid, hiding under your bed covers high…then playing football in front of 80,000 people and a coach yelling in your face. HOLY SHIT! I would freak out and wonder if the camera guy is focusing on me because he knows I’m high.

Kudos to Fred Davis.

Anyway, Freddy Fred ranks as PFF’s 10th best fantasy tight end. they have him pegged for 65 catches, 768 yards and 5TDs. Personally, I think he’ll have better numbers than that, but not bad.

Pierre Garcon :

I have a couple of friends that take fantasy way too seriously. If I call them in August it goes something like this,

"Yo, Dougie Doug. What’s up man?"

"Chillin. Just doing this fantasy mock draft."

"Oh, you’re doing a FANTASY MOCK DRAFT? I was sure that you would be knocking boots with some dime piece instead. Well, have fun. I’m going to get drunk."

He’s the type of guy that tells me I drafted Pierre Garcon too early. Which I will. And I don’t care. It’s my fantasy team.

I don’t care if PFF ranks him as the 39th best receiver in fantasy. I’m taking him in the fifth round.

I know it’s slow moving in the NFL in the spring. But enjoy boys and girls! HTTR.

Be sure to read more of my stuff @

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