How I Envision the Peyton Manning - Redskins Talks Went

With Peyton Manning making the rounds to Denver, Tennessee, and Miami, I couldn't help but think what the Redskins' effort was like to try and bring him in. Any rumors tying Manning to the Redskins quickly ended, which means the Skins' efforts of reaching out were quickly shot down. Here's how I see it:

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Bruce Allen

"Peyton Da Man-ning. How would you like to be the QB for the most powerful city in the world?"

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Peyton Manning

Beijing has a NFL team? Look, I know I do the Mastercard commercials and stuff, but I'm a low key guy. My agent and former teammates say the media and fans there in D.C. are relentless with their negativity and gloom and doom talk.

(Bruce Allen and Shanahan turn into each other and laugh).

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Mike Shanahan

Let me take this one Bruce. Peyton, what you're hearing is correct, but they're simpletons. All you need to do is throw out big words like "Cardiovascular" or "Rhabdomyolysis" and it stops. Just keep saying that everything is a building experience.

Bruce Allen

If things ever get really bad, we'll have our PR guy whisk you right away. What other concerns do you have?

Peyton Manning

I mean, the whole McNabb thing...he went from Pro-Bowl quarterback to worthless. The fact that the Redskins are interested in me has me second guessing my ability to play at a high level ever again.

Mike Shanahan

Well, with regard to Donovan-you don't throw the ball in the dirt and lollygag though a hurry up offense. You don't need to learn anything. We'll help you game plan and then let you do your thing on Sundays.

(Bruce and Mike wink at each other)

Peyton Manning

OK...so what WR weapons do you have that can run crisp routes and are under the age of 30?

Bruce Allen

(pause and looks at Shanahan)

Mike Shanahan

(pause) We plan on targeting at least 3 WRs in Free Agency, but we're thrilled with the talent we've drafted and the experience we have above them.

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Peyton Manning

Mmm hmm. When it got out to the media that the Redskins were interested in me, several other teams' owners called my agent to notify me that the Redskins for some reason would not have any way to sign multiple top free agents.

Mike Shanahan

Well, we're sure we can bring in Joshua Morgan.

Peyton Manning

Who?

Bruce Allen/Mike Shanahan

(pause)

Bruce Allen

Don't worry about Goodell. We can do your contract however you like.

Manning:

Well, what kind of contract are you offering? Because how would that look if I accepted an offer sheet from you that was less than you gave Haynesworth?

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Bruce Allen

(pause)

(pause)

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Shanahan

(whispers loudly) SAY SOMETHING!!...ANYTHING!

Bruce Allen:

(whispers louder) I DIDNT F*CKING DO THAT CONTRACT!!! IT SCREWED US ALL...IT IS STILL SCREWING US!!!

Bruce Allen:

Peyton, the future is now. My father told me that. Are you in?

Manning:

(dial tone)

Bruce Allen:

What's Les Snead's number?

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