Brad Mills-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire
If it seems like we have been down this road before, it's because we have. Luckily for Redskins fans, we have a script that has been working for years.
1. "We're really not that far away from winning these games." This might actually be true on a game-by-game basis. But after a certain amount of time and losses--by all means define these as you wish--you are actually NOT that close to winning. In fact, the more you lose, the closer you are...to losing. Things change quickly from one year to the next in the NFL. I use this as one of the main prongs of my three-pronged Sanity Through Winning Plan (the other two prongs are prayer and inebriation.) The Redskins have actually competed hard in many games over the years. The score has indicated we were not far away from winning some of those games. The consistency of our record indicates otherwise. So far this year, I would suggest that...we're really not that far away from winning these games.
2. "Did they build this offensive line...on purpose?" Given the success of our ground game, we shouldn't really spend a lot of time hammering our offensive line. For the first time in a long time, it is not even the biggest problem on our team (that coveted designation is a tie between safety and kicker). Still, the way that Kyle and Mike Shanahan call plays for Robert Griffin for the rest of the season will likely account for a less than secure pocket. This is where the salary cap penalty really put our beanbag in a vice. We had no means to really aggressively attack the offensive line in free agency. My hat is off to the guys out there right now busting their humps to open holes for Alfred Morris and give Griffin time to throw. They deserve as much credit for our offensive success in 2012 as anyone, but the unit requires upgrading in order for this franchise to credibly suggest that their investment at quarterback is safe.
3. "How many naked pictures of Dan Snyder does Danny Smith have?" I take a lot of heat for always prefacing this topic with my assertion that, "Danny Smith is a good man." I have met him. I like him. There is a reason he has been such a survivor in this organization. The longer he stays, however, the more unsure I become of that reason. I see no wisdom in making changes for the sake of making changes, and my guess is that Smith has provided the parade of head coaches that have come through Washington with some level of comfort and stability. There would seem to be at least some evidence to support a change to the special teams coaching staff at this point. Regardless, the fans are openly asking what it would have to take for the Redskins to cut ties with Danny Smith.
4. "How hard is it to find a kicker?" I only ask...because it seems...impossible. There are 32 premier professional place-kicking positions on the planet. The Redskins have had less success finding a viable candidate to man this position than Kirk Van Houten had in his custody battle for Milhouse. While it is true that some guys remain unemployed for a reason, it also seems that we take a guy with a good leg and reduce him to Charlie Brown trying to kick with Lucy as the holder. If Homer was penning The Odyssey today, the Sirens would be a collection of former Redskins kickers, tempting coaches to hire them before inflicting fatal damage to any game or NFL season in which that coach employed them.
5. "This young kicker has a real chance to stick." When did we become a fanbase that obsessed over the tantalizing prospects of...a rookie kicker/punter? Let's get real--as long as Kai Forbath doesn't drop a deuce at midfield during this week's game, he stands to keep his job for another week. Further, we'll IDOLIZE him for it.
6. "I can't believe Rex Grossman is still on our team." This one is a bit fresher, but still underscores the circus we have seen at quarterback over the years. I am ecstatic about the whole Bobby G/Captain Kirk situation. I haven't felt this good about the future of a single position since we drafted Durant Brooks. I have sort of been the chairman of the Rex Grossman Appreciation Committee the last few years, and his name on our roster is a subtle reminder of some of the most exciting football we have witnessed in our lifetimes. Moving on from Rex will--at some point--be a symbolic point in the development of our team. I think it's coming soon because...we are really not that far away from winning these games.
7. "When he is 100% healthy, Jammal Brown can really play ball." Jammal...you diabolical genius. I give this guy tons of credit for doing everything the coaches have asked him to do to get and stay healthy. I mean, just look at how well he has played as a result of the work he has done...awwww crap. I have said this myself a lot, and it is invariably followed by the obligatory:
8. "When was the last time Jammal Brown was 100% healthy?" I thought getting Brown was a good idea when we did it. I thought his willingness to play right tackle gave us a bookend situation that made our offensive line a force to be reckoned with each week. I thought Jethro Tull was a member of the band.
9. "Wait a second...is that...Reed Doughty starting at safety for us?" Death...taxes...and Reed Doughty. I have been saying this for years. Over the last two years, I have really relished my Reed Doughty saying, because the idea of Reed Doughty starting at safety for us has simply NOT been Plan A. Like the demise of Mr. Burns' softball team, a series of calamities has always seemed to transpire to propel Reed Doughty onto the field. Reed is a good man. He sticks his nose in there to bring down opposing ballcarriers and has made a play or two in coverage as well. To many of you, however, he is the guy that invariably ends up covering the other team's Pro Bowl receiver in the most crucial moment of the game, looking like he is guarding his big brother.
10. "Is that Kirk Cousins' real hair? It is...glorious." This will be the thing we say from here on out in the years to come. I am super excited to breathe some new life into our normal script. Can we please hire a moustache guy for this team? With a head of hair like that, Kirk simply MUST go porn 'stache immediately.