With the New York Giants a mere week away, I find myself needing to get in a new routine. No longer can I sleep in until 11a.m., dreaming of the hot girl in the office doing things to me. No, my Sunday is a work day. My Sunday is a strict routine to be executed to a T. So allow me to share my game day routine with the rest of you Hogs Haven degenerates that also love ignoring your wives, girlfriends, kids, etc. on game day.
8 a.m. : I cut my boot-knocking dream short. (Sorry Eva Mendes, we'll pick this up later.) I then clumsily make my way to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. By this point my dog is staring at me. I leash her up to go urinate in the yard, and if no neighbors are around (I'm not proud of this) I relieve myself in the yard with her. Don't judge me.
9 a.m. : Time to wash my parts and pick out an outfit. Depending on who the Redskins are playing determines what jersey/shirt/hoodie to wear. Is it a home or away game? is it hot or cold outside? Which jersey goes best with my new jeans and makes my eyes pop? All important.
10 a.m. : Start assembling my fantasy roster and making final changes.
11 a.m. : Turn on ESPN and watch the pre-game show. All the while I think to myself, "Damn do they add another obnoxious retard to this show every week?" I mean, damn, how many ex-wide receivers with loud-fucking mouths can sit at one table and make Chris Berman look awkward?
12 p.m. : Turn off the ESPN bullshit and look at FOX more tolerable bullshit.
1 p.m. : Since the Skins don't play until 4 p.m. I watch whatever game is on, it's usually the Steelers because the nation collectively sucks their cocks ad nauseum. At which point my wife says, "Are you going to watch football all-fucking-day?" ....."Hmmmmm, that's a good question honey. Yeah, I think I will, so shut the hell up."
3:30 p.m. : Get a ride to the sports bar or drive if I'm not drinking (which blows gorilla dicks by the way).
4 p.m. : Sit beside my Redskins fans and huddle up like a bunch of ass-grabbing fairies. At this point, we will look for Giants fans in the bar. Now this is usually pretty fun, since Duke's campus is right around the corner, there are Giants fans in Durham. These fans are a special kind of douche bag, a my daddy works for Goldman-Sachs and should be in prison but he's filthy-fucking rich douche bag. I have my huckleberry.
5 p.m. : By this time I'm high-fiving and chest bumping my friends at the bar at the sight of every first down and Banks return.
After the Redskins win, hopefully I will be drunk (both literally and figuratively with happiness because of a win).
That's my gameday, how is yours?