Kicking (Flat) Tires: Uncle Rico

by Kevin Ewoldt on May 20, 2011 8:18 AM EDT in Redskins Analysis

A QB that can throw a ball a 1/4 mile?!?! I'm getting flashbacks to Jeff George and Jay Schroeder.

I've hijacked Parks' "Kicking Tires" series a bit, and I hope he doesn't mind in this gauntlet of ~~false~~ slow news times. I wouldn't be shocked to see 5 Redskins QBs early on at camp, which opens a lot of doors for QB prospects out there. Is it possible to find lightning in a bottle with Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite? Rico certainly has a lot of red flags, which I mentioned below, but the upside might be there to at least give him a look:

Pros

- Can throw a pig skin a quarter mile.
- Deadly accuracy from 20 yards with a steak
- If he throws an interception, he can go back in time and correct it (pending he finds the right crystals)
- Can save you tons of money on tupperware
- Rabach is still at a loss for a training camp habitat since Jon Jansen and his RV are gone. Rico's van could be a nice hold-over.
- Has videos of his own Pro-Day in fields. (much more difficult conditions to throw in)

Cons/Red Flags:

- Not sure if he can actually run.
- He is in dire need of money.
- He's propositioned a high school girl.
- Ran a sleezy breast augmentation business, including clients for high school girls, which could be a PR nightmare.

As you can see, the pros narrowly outweigh the cons. Thoughts?

We would need to assign him either #3 or #92.

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Comments

yes I have a comment....

for the flippin love of Jesus Christ please reach a settlement to this flippin dispute SO THERE WILL BE SOME LEGIT NEWS ON HERE AND WE DON’T HAVE TO READ ABOUT NAPOLEAN DYNAMITES CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE REDSKINS! …. no disrespect… just saying.

by RiggoPosse on May 20, 2011 8:30 AM EDT reply actions

I get the feeling

that the players are enjoying a true off-season for once. They probably don’t care much for the upcoming preseason games either.

In all seriousness though, anyone who can throw a pigskin 0.2500 of a mile has my vote. Where did he go to college? I never heard of him.

by DCtoAustralia on May 20, 2011 11:01 AM EDT up reply actions

South Central Idaho State

Twitter: @RVAparks Check it out for the latest Redskins news and opinions

by Parks Smith on May 20, 2011 11:06 AM EDT up reply actions

This is a no brainer in my mind.

Twitter: @RVAparks Check it out for the latest Redskins news and opinions

by Parks Smith on May 20, 2011 8:33 AM EDT reply actions

yeah, anyone who would do this has no brain.

Vinny, are you listening?

No Danny, Nooooooo - Tom Landry, 1982., and Washington Redskins fans, 1999-

by BillWard on May 20, 2011 9:55 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions

You mean anyone who wouldn’t do this has no brain…

or soul for that matter.

"You're fucking out!"

by travisjh86 on May 20, 2011 2:27 PM EDT up reply actions

What you wanna bet

he can throw that football over them mountains?
If coach had put him in in the fourth quarter they’d have won state, and he’d be somewhere in a hot tub soaking it up with his soul mate right now..

by DoWork on May 20, 2011 8:48 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs