Pour Some Sugar On Me -- I'll Be Passionlessly Watching the Passionless Pro Bowl

As if you had to ask...of course I will be tuned in this weekend to see one of the most irrelevant and meaningless exhibitions of professional football ever conceived. I find its mere existence laughable. I actually have to laugh.

So you're saying there's a concussion problem in the NFL? You're saying there's a real fight brewing over adding extra games to the NFL slate? Then why wouldn't the league's BEST players suit it up one last time in a game that nobody cares about?

Don't get me wrong...I'll be watching. But I'm a junkie. You can't depend on me for completely sound analysis and reasoning here.

Moving the game to the week before the Super Bowl was a stroke of genius...if only because tens of additional viewers will find themselves still in "NFL mode" until the Super Bowl ends. When the game was played in Hawaii after the Super Bowl, you would be lucky to find highlights of it on Sportscenter.

We live in an unprecedented era of All-Star Game Apathy. This is not to suggest that I grew up really caring about the NFL's Pro Bowl. Far from it...but the all-star games for all of the major sports leagues have seemingly done nothing over the last decade except decline in interest levels among fans.The once revered MLB All-Star Game has even taken a hit to its mighty Q-rating. This seems contrary to the fact that America has become increasingly obsessed with sports. Maybe once the players started making bazillions of dollars to ride benches and sell shampoo, their desire to really turn it up for fans in the All-Star games took a hit. Maybe games with less riding on them than the old "Battle of the Network Stars" have lost their appeal to our uber-competitive American society. Maybe we'd all rather watch "How It's Made" on The Science Channel.

The NBA All-Star Game is pretty much the last bastion we have in All-Star exhibitions. But even that has more to do with the breathless manner with which we all watch as the NBA's richest and most talented players and their respective posses invade some city--and not necessarily the game itself. The shenanigans that occur over the NBA's All-Star weekend tend to be bigger news than the game.

But I digress from the NFL's Pro Bowl, which this weekend is set to feature only one Washington Redskin: DeAngelo Hall. I do love me some D Hall...but not enough to make me watch a whole game just so I can see him play a few series. No...it takes a much deeper depravity to actually want to sit through a game that will be coached by Mike Smith and Bill Belichick.

I will pray for them to re-visit the Sean Taylor hit on Brian Moorman.

I will not feel justified until they mention that Lorenzo Alexander was snubbed.

I will watch the Pro Bowl because it is one of only two more games left before there is no football on for...well I honestly don't know this year. I will cherish every uninspired series. I will hang on every non-blitzing defensive play call. I will get so carried away that I will yell from the living room to my wife, "HOLY CRAP!!! I JUST SAW BILL BELICHICK SMILE!" Then I will pause it and wait for her to come over to the TV and I will explain to her that seeing him smile is like seeing a leprechaun. I will act indignant when she fails to understand the significance. Then I will hate myself.

Maybe DeAngelo will convince someone in Hawaii to come and play in Washington. Maybe he'll make a big show of it and we can talk about it nonstop for the next 5 months (yay!).

One thing is for sure...I'll be DVR'ing "How It's Made."