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Redskins University

Timmy Smith was a great Redskin, if only for a moment. Recall that Smith set a rushing record in Super bowl XXII (204 yards and a pair of scores) and would surely have been named the game's MVP but for Doug Williams's brilliant performance in destroying a Dan Reeves led Denver Broncos 42-10. Smith remains one of my all time favorite Redskins despite his short tenure with the team. He accomplished nothing of consequence subsequently and retired just a few short years later (in a Cowboys jersey, unfortunately). Although the rushing record was nice (and remains to this day, putting Smith among greats like Marcus Allen [191] and John Riggins [166 booya]), my affinity for stems mostly from his combination of my two great passions: 1) Washington Redskins football and 2) Federal cocaine convictions Texas Tech football -- both Timmy Smith and I claim the Red Raiders as our alma mater.

Forgive the fluff piece, but this time of year is still somewhat slow on the news cycle and we're all grasping at things to pass the time. Preseason always seems to move slower than Christmas for me if only because the great long wait of the offseason is punctuated by a series of teaser events that kind of sort of but not really resembles what we have all been waiting for. A cruel trick, that, but a necessary evil to reduce the roster size by a dozen or so come August 31st and to the final 53 on September 4th. The big stories this time of year, if you're lucky at least (injuries being the unlucky story), are who is and who isn't going to make the team. As I type this a post goes up about Anthony Armstrong and Brandon Banks among others battling to make the team. Neither is guaranteed a spot but both have certainly had their deserving cases heard for a coveted place among the 53. I was perusing the Redskins roster searching hopefully for some Texas Tech Red Raider that I could hang my hat for the remainder of preseason. None. Very unfortunate

But I compiled these numbers anyways so that you lucky few could better cheer on your favorite college football teams through the rest of the preseason. Results follow for Redskins University which will hopefully supplement your preseason viewing guide for the remainder of the fake season.

 

Redskins Universities: Oklahoma Sooners and LSU.

Both schools have four players on the roster. For OU: OT Jammal Brown, S Lendy Homes, WR Malcolm Kelly, OT Trent Williams. Depending who you ask, of those I see only Lendy Homes as the serious risk not to make the team, although he was a Redskin last year. Malcolm Kelly is a developing tragic story, but Boomer Sooner fans don't need me to remind them where he went to school or that he's on the roster.

For LSU: NT Howard Green, S LaRon Landry, LB Perry Riley, RB Keiland Williams. More interesting stuff here. Keiland Williams and Howard Green need your cheers, Tigers. Williams was an undrafted rookie and Green was signed as a free agent. Landry isn't going anywhere and Riley was a 4th round pick, so he should make the team.

Runners up: The Ohio State Buckeyes, Maryland Terrapins, UCLA, the U (Miami-FL) and California Berkley (my girlfriend's alma mater) all have three a piece. Texas has three if you count Mike Williams, but he's on Reserve/Non-Football Injury.

Redskins BCS Conference:

Caveat: Distinction between BCS and non-BCS conferences made intentionally and cheaply to trick Hogs Haveners into engaging each other in internet fisticuffs over the merits or demerits of a a college football playoffs, or to goad one another about how my conference is better than your conference nah nah nah nah. For full disclosure, playoffs yes, and the Big XII is the bestest. I counted current BCS teams, so Utah isn't in the Pac-10 just yet, Nebraska is still a Big XII school, etc.

And the winner is? Who else? SEC.

Unfortunately this will do little to dispel delusions of SEC's domination of everything, everywhere, ever. But with 14 members currently on the roster the SEC wins (ACC had 13, close, Pac-10 has 11, Big XII has 10 -- just like the conference, now -- and the Big 10 has 6. Big Least has 3.)

In addition to the four gentlemen from LSU, the SEC claims Auburn CB Carlos Rogers, Alabama NT Anthony Bryant and CB Ramzee Robinson, Georgia DE Phillip Daniels and DT Kedric "The Barbarian" Golston, Vanderbilt LB Curtis Gatewood, Florida QB Rex Grossman, Tennessee DT Albert Haynesworth, Ole Miss WR Shay Hodge, and Kentucky DE Jeremy Jarmon.

Redskins Mid-Major: Mountain West Conference

And it isn't close. With six, the MWC dwarfs C-USA, the WAC, and Mid-American (all have just two). No other mid majors are represented, by my count. For the Mountain West: Brigham Young QB John Beck, Colorado State OT Clint Oldenburg, San Diego State OT William Robinson, New Mexico C/G Erik Cook, Utah NT Ma'ake Kemoeatu, and TCU LB Robert Henson.

Strangest School Shout Out: Walla Walla Community College

I do this every year. Lots of schools on the list that I'm none too familiar with. London Fletcher went to John Carroll, which I think is a Jesuit school. Byron Westbrook's Salisbury University was a candidate but that's local to Maryland so surely someone around here has heard of them. Kareem Moore attended Nicholls State in Thibodaux, Louisiana. And Chris Wilson hails from Northwood University.

But manbeast Mike Sellers wins. He called Walla Walla Community College of Washington State home. Although it probably exists only in my imagination, Walla Walla Community College's Museum of Dead Oregon Trail Heroes is littered with the decayed corpses of brave cyber-travelers who had steadfastly refused to succumb to snakebites, diarrhea (the silent killer!) or the measles only to drown on route to Fort Walla Walla. Respect.

Mike Sellers braved the elements and escaped from his own Oregon Trail unscathed, surviving Walla Walla Community College as a distinguished linebacker before suffering through Canada for some years and later joining us in Washington (D.C., that is). Walla Walla CC's mascot is the Warrior.

UPDATE: Typhoid has died of Mike Sellers.

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