Matching Simpsons Characters with Redskins Players
by Kevin Ewoldt on Jul 26, 2010 1:47 PM EDT
in Parodies (Having a Laugh)
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PrintWhat do you do when you love two very different things? Put them together. It worked with Red Bull and Vodka, Jack and Coke, so why not the Simpsons and Redskins? When my mind drifted off the other day, it came to me how much Haynesworth reminded me of Barney Gumble. Lazy, fat, bumbling...soon after more and more Redskins fell into place. What's ironic is that Barney isn't even the best fit for #92 (see after the jump). Behold are my 25 Redskins to Simpsons characters. I'm looking forward to the comments (additionial entries) for this one and special thanks to a couple of my friends who contributed to this as well (jayisthemac).
| Character | Description | Redskin |
Duffman |
Athletic smooth-talker who wears tight clothes and drinks heavily. Both have scored multiple cheerleaders. OH YEAAH. |
Captain Chaos |
Principal Skinner |
The head principal who lacks authority, is the primary subject of mockery, and at the end of the day is left to think of better days in the past. With Skinner, it was ‘Nam – and with Cerrato Notre Dame and San Fran. Can't you just picture the Redskins owner yelling "VINNNNY!!" the same way Super Nintendo Chalmers yelled "SKINNER!" |
Vinny Cerrato |
Disco Stu |
Not much explaining needed here. | Clinton Portis |
Fat Tony |
Physical leader of the group. Doesn't let anyone push around his mates. | Al Haynesworth (2009) |
Comic Book Store guy |
Fat, annoying, and doesn't have any friends..."Worst Contract...Ever!" |
Al Haynesworth (2010) |
Johnny Tightlips |
"I ain't sayin' nothin'!" | Mike Shanahan |
Gil |
Always getting fired from potential jobs. Ole Gil never catches a break! | Marcus Mason |
|
Dr. Nick Riveria |
The Redskins had more injuries than I ever want to remember..10 on IR by mid-December 2009. Players mentioned the program was a joke, and the Strength staff as a result was over-hauled. | John Hastings (Head Strength & Conditioning coach 2006-9)  |
Lenny |
Has a high-level expetrise in his field, yet his naive actions are what shine through at work and in life. | Steve Spurrier |
Karl |
The no non-sense type and often gets annoyed with Lenny. | Marvin Lewis |
Hans Moleman |
Although apparently elderly, claims he is much younger than he is. | Joey Galloway |
Ned Flanders |
Devout Christian who follows the Bible and attempts to instill it in others. Also loves repeating the same phrase over and over. "Okilly-dokilly" and "They really fought their guts out." | Joe Gibbs |
Rod & Todd Flanders |
Rod: Learned so much from his father and prays for his success. Todd: The shorter of the two brothers who also follows a life of Jesus set by the examples of Ned and Rod. Note: In Darrell Green's HoF Induction speech, he mentioned "Lord, Christ, God, or Church" 22 times. Monk said it 11 times. |
Art Monk & Darrell Green |
Krusty the Klown |
Hard-living entertainer with drug addiction and illiteracy problems. | Dexter Manley |
|
Bumble Bee Man |
"No me gusta!" | Max Zendejas |
McBain |
Physical force with the deep voice to match. I'm pretty sure Rak drives a Canyonero as well. |
Brian Orakpo |
Apu |
Only foreigner I can think of that played for the Redskins. | Shar Pourdanesh |
Abe Simpson |
One of the patriarchs of the family, yet sometimes loses focus in the middle of his sentence. | Sam Huff |
Artie Ziff |
Confident, nerdy, rich, and used to getting what he wants. | Dan Snyder |
Rich Texan |
Stereotypical rich, callous, and gregarious Texas business owner. | Jerry Jones |
Kent Brockman |
TV personality. That's about all they have in common. | Larry Michael |
Bleeding Gums Murphy |
Enjoyed thoroughly and only by Lisa Simpson (who is a metaphor for Redskins Nation in this). | Chief Zee |
|
Mix between... |
He was in charge, but had no control or respect from the community or his staff. Also, came up with bizarre inventions when helping his people in crisis. |
Jim Zorn |
Galloway image via Boston Herald, Marcus Mason picture via Redskins Blog.
42 comments
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4 recs |
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Comments
Abe Simpson/ Sam huff FTW
I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there's only one case left- Barney Gumble
by CptChaosSidekick on Jul 26, 2010 2:01 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
This might be the greatest post in the history of blogs.
"By far the worst performers on the team are in the front office." – Sally Jenkins
Change Grandpa Simpson to Joe Bugel
Old, gruff, crotchety, yet ultimately might have something to teach somebody.
Barney Gumble → John Riggins
Might be a little overweight, might drink a little too much, but gets it done when you need him.
Frank Grimes → Patrick Ramsey/Jason Campbell
Had to work their way into the starting role, when they finally got there, they were undermined by circumstances bigger than they could control.
"By far the worst performers on the team are in the front office." – Sally Jenkins
Homer → Jon Jansen
Big, goofy, lovable, loves beer, very loyal
Bart → Clinton Portis (alternate choice)
Marches to his own beat, a little wild, but willing to be there when you need him.
Smithers → Cerrato
"By far the worst performers on the team are in the front office." – Sally Jenkins
I originally had Cerrato as Smithers...
but backed off since Artie Ziff was a better Snyder…and the fact Smithers usually was correct in his thought processes. (the suck up and easy gay joke was tempting).
Grimes one is great.
Hogs Haven. On Twitter. And Facebook.
by Kevin Ewoldt on Jul 26, 2010 3:01 PM EDT up reply actions
What does Grampa have to teach anybody?
he’s old, curmudgeonly, and senile. Just like Huff.
by jayisthemac on Jul 27, 2010 11:09 AM EDT up reply actions
True, but the Hellfish episode was pretty sweet.
"By far the worst performers on the team are in the front office." – Sally Jenkins
Very annoyed I didn't think of this first - Awesome post
How about Barney and Chad Rinehart?
Formerly Bye, Dawk :(
Nailed them all.
It’s surprising how much they all look like their doppelgangers too. Coach Tight Lips is perfect.
haha...well played sir.
Here’s you…
Hogs Haven. On Twitter. And Facebook.
by Kevin Ewoldt on Jul 26, 2010 2:36 PM EDT up reply actions
LARRY MICHAELS
and Kent Brockman is sooooo perfect.
Superb article
You could also squeeze Nelson in between Fat Tony and Comic book guy for Haynesworth – Can easily imagine him pushing down Danny, taking his money and letting out a “Ha ha!” as he strolls down the road….
Artie is perfect for Danny until he gets old, then it’s Montgomery Burns, although without (hopefully) Smithers as Cerrato.
Steve Spurrier --- Monorail guy
He came in and sold us something that looked great against the Niners in Japan but went to shit real fast when actually put to the test. You can call Shane Mathews, Danny Wuerfful and Taylor Jacobs the possums in the closet.
by monk81 on Jul 26, 2010 3:38 PM EDT reply actions 4 recs
Yeah...
that really is appropriate – we can call the whole ordeal the escalator to nowhere.
by TerroristFistJab on Jul 26, 2010 3:45 PM EDT up reply actions
I feel bad that I can't
appreciate this like you guys can
SpottieOttieDopaliscious
I can do a Blossom one for you later
Hogs Haven. On Twitter. And Facebook.
by Kevin Ewoldt on Jul 26, 2010 5:26 PM EDT up reply actions
i take it back
hahaha! Prof. Frink & the dumb cop
He was in charge, but had no control or respect from the community or his staff. Also, came up with bizarre inventions.
by Grand Tanyon Sturtze on Jul 26, 2010 9:31 PM EDT up reply actions
One remaining suggestion
Joe Bugel should be Cap’n McCallister.
by Grand Tanyon Sturtze on Jul 26, 2010 9:33 PM EDT up reply actions
I actually had Lavar Arrington as the Sea Cap'n...
had a bum leg and owned a failing restaurant.
Hogs Haven. On Twitter. And Facebook.
by Kevin Ewoldt on Jul 26, 2010 10:05 PM EDT up reply actions
Hahaha
Remember when he had all you can eat and homer fucked him? " tis no man, tis a beast"
I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there's only one case left- Barney Gumble
by CptChaosSidekick on Jul 26, 2010 10:35 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
totally
you have better reasons than i do for bugel, who i thought just looked like him. kevinE, kicka$$ articles lately dude, keep them coming! This one was an extra + to read, totally hilarious!
by Grand Tanyon Sturtze on Jul 26, 2010 11:53 PM EDT up reply actions
Snyder/Cerrato as Burns/Smithers
Burns will do anything to make a profit. Smithers will do whatever Burns tells him to.
Bored and broke.
by ThaRak on Jul 27, 2010 3:31 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
thats good....like Kevins better
especially because of the visual similarities in the chosen pictures….Would have to have seen Burns as Jerry Jones.
Bugel & Dr. Marvin Monroe?
Both thought they could fix something that was irreparably broken. The Simpsons and the O-Line.
Still don't know how JKC as Burns didn't make the list.
The Squire and Burnsy are one in the same!
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