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Donovan McNabb: 'I'd Like To Thank The Ungrateful, Over-Expecting,Oftentimes-Racist Fans Of Philadelphia'


 

 (and yes, I stole this from The Onion)

WASHINGTON—During an emotionally charged press conference Monday, newly minted Redskins quarterback Donovan McNabb expressed gratitude to the unappreciative, abusive, and intolerant fans of the Philadelphia Eagles for their total lack of support over the years. "I'd like to thank all the Eagles fans who were always there to demand the whole world from me every week, who expected me to do everything with almost nothing, and who blamed me for the team's every failure," said the six-time Pro Bowler, who also apologized for his failure to shore up the Eagles defense and his inability to keep Brian Westbrook healthy while leading the team to five NFC championship games. "I can't thank them enough for the constant insults or tell you what their lack of support meant to me when Rush Limbaugh made racist comments about me. My only regret, besides every fucking awful moment of the past 11 years, is that I couldn't give these people what they wanted most: drafting Ricky Williams back in 1999. No fans deserved it more." McNabb then wished probable Eagles starting QB Kevin Kolb luck winning the next 25 Super Bowls "because nothing else will be enough," gave all Philly fans the finger "because I can't give them all cancer," sighed with pleasure, and went to turn in his Eagles playbook to the Redskins' defensive coordinators.

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I don’t understand this, and what is the Onion? Whatever, it is not right or fair or ethical to put words into somebody’s mouth, unless the words are so ridiculous that it is obvious that it is a joke.

by Donnio1234 on Apr 11, 2010 11:36 AM EDT reply actions  

It's not obvious it's a joke?

Kevin Kolb has to win the next 25 Super Bowls? A middle finger because he can’t give them cancer? Does any of that seem at all plausible to you? What NFL QB would you ever expect to say something like that?

by kseandoyle on Apr 11, 2010 1:56 PM EDT up reply actions  

uh

OK. I’m confused at your confusion.

by CJHutch on Apr 11, 2010 5:29 PM EDT up reply actions  

donnio my brain capacity decreases everytime I read one of your comments

Kids in the backseat cause accidents, Accidents in the backseat cause kids.

by Area 51 Forever on Apr 11, 2010 6:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

The Onion

Is fake news. They do parodies of popular news and events, as well as just pure made up stuff in general. Very funny stuff. The Onion is OBVIOUSLY a satire website, so it is not a them being mean, it is all in good fun.

by BigOLinemen on Apr 11, 2010 1:10 PM EDT reply actions  

So I guess SNL

needs to go away. That’s 35 years of putting words in people’s mouth and “being mean.”

by CJHutch on Apr 11, 2010 5:32 PM EDT up reply actions  

Haha

Why stop there? Any celebrity impersonation or parody would just have to go away.

by BigOLinemen on Apr 11, 2010 5:52 PM EDT up reply actions  

SNL...

needs to go away because its not funny anymore…

With the 32nd pick of the 2010 NFL Draft, the New Orleans Saints say "Sean Weatherspoon, come on down!!!"

by tlsk1066 on Apr 11, 2010 8:45 PM EDT up reply actions  

what

am I s’posed to take it easy on you because you tell me you have soft balls?

by CJHutch on Apr 13, 2010 3:27 PM EDT up reply actions  

Yeah, it's been a while since it has been

But at least SNL gave us 30 rock, which is pretty damn fantastic.

Serious business.

by ThaRak on Apr 12, 2010 10:14 AM EDT up reply actions  

McNabb parody

I knew it was satire, but very unfunny satire. SNL is sometimes funny, as is Mad, National Lampoon, etc. Parodies usually parody something – take some statement or policy position and take it to some extreme, exaggerate it, which is what can make it funny. So if some player blasted the fans of his old team (which just happened recently with Denver, and wouldn’t be that surprising for the notoriously brutal Philadelphia fans), saying (e.g.) that they are nasty, a comedian might have him or her ranting and raving that they were a bunch of racist, redneck retards. It’s often the ludicrous nature of the presumed conduct that makes it funny. Reading the title and then body of this post, one might assume that McNabb had criticized Philadelphia fans, and the blurb here just exaggerated his comments. In actual fact, McNabb did not criticize Philadelphia at all, specifically declining to do so. So it gave a misleading impression of what DM said, so was a sort of lie, besides being dumb and unfunny. In other parodies, good ones are funny and fair because it’s clear that they are not true. If they give an untrue impression of reality, amounting to a lie, they are objectionable. One method is embedding the lie as as assumption underlying the real joke. For example, if you want to kid Dick Cheney, who supported invading Iraq, by joking that he now wanted to invade Canada, that would be funny because it’s so outlandish. But if in the body of the joke you quoted him (falsely) as advocating invading lebanon and Syria, that would be sort of sleazy because some might actually believe that he advocated that. The McNabb post was offensive and not funny, but also gave the false impression that he had criticized Eagle fans. Also, some of the language was a little extreme, but most of it was not really that ridiculous – quite possible for a guy who’s maybe a little drunk, starts out and gets carried away. I read far worse stuff right on HH recently – including the cancer remark. So I think it was a really stupid post, not funny, and unfair to a pretty good guy. On SNL, I think they used to have some good people, went downhill with the departure of Will Ferrell, Ana Gasteyer, etc, and have actually been coming back a bit this year – some funny people. IMO, Darrell Hammond is the funniest (Sean Connery, Jack Perkins, many others). You all might study “humor” sometime – it’s hard to be funny!

by Donnio1234 on Apr 11, 2010 9:32 PM EDT reply actions  

The reason this is satire or parody

Is because McNabb didn’t actually say a single negative thing about Philly or its fans. It’s not like he bad mouthed Philly, then The Onion took it up a notch. Most people agree that McNabb did not get treated that well during his stay in Philly, but he has yet to say a bad word against the city in the 11 years he has been there, even though people would not blame him if he did.

This is parody because they wrote the article as if he said all of the thinks that people would expect him to say and think that he should say, but he is too classy to bash Philly.

by RobtheRedskin on Apr 12, 2010 1:10 AM EDT up reply actions  

strangely, I found the title

quite a match to the level of hyperbole that is often thrown around here….

just sayin’

besides, the poster clearly states, before the body of the text, right under the picture, who he cadged it from.

methinks you’re being needlessly obtuse about this Donnio and while I do appreciate the attempt to educate the posting population, Mr. McNabb has established himself as one of the classiest individuals still playing the game today and I do believe, acutely so, that most everyday fans “get it”. Now I’m going to have to stop before I go off on another tangent and find myself using more geometrically punnish dialogue ;-)

I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused....

by piratedan7 on Apr 12, 2010 1:46 AM EDT up reply actions  

Donnio, don't you have anything better to do on your weekends?

than try to break down why you think something isn’t funny and is offensive? Give me a break dude. It’s ok bud, you read it and thought it was true. That doesn’t make everyone else an idiot.. and you don’t have to write a novel trying to convince us why it’s wrong because you didn’t get the joke…

by DoWork on Apr 12, 2010 9:05 AM EDT up reply actions  

I found it funny

I found this response to it funny too though, so maybe I’m easily amused.

Serious business.

by ThaRak on Apr 12, 2010 10:16 AM EDT up reply actions  

Joke

Right, I got a little carried away, philosophizing. I did realize it was a joke right from the start, but a pointless and unfunny one. Rob and Pirate – yes DM is a very classy guy – one of the reasons I thought the post was a little out of line. Discussing it was and is a waste of our valuable time.

by Donnio1234 on Apr 12, 2010 9:28 AM EDT reply actions  

"Valuable time."

Speak for yourself… or is this another case of satire because your time is not valuable? Man, you guys are hard to keep up with. This is why I like British comedy: all else fails just have them run around to clown music in and out of a bunch of doors in a hallway.

by mdm1185 on Apr 12, 2010 9:45 AM EDT up reply actions  

Thanks a lot

Just what I needed, to spend the rest of my Monday morning with the theme from Benny Hill theme running through my head.

by MagicHat on Apr 12, 2010 9:53 AM EDT up reply actions  

Yakety Sax by Boots Randolph

Benny Hill took it to another level completely.

Respectfully, pfhokie

by pfhokie on Apr 12, 2010 10:52 AM EDT up reply actions  

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