FanPost

Hierarchy of Fandom (or Fandumb if you prefer) with Definitions




There has been a lot of talk and insinuation on this blog as to who is a True Fan.  Rather than just pouncing on one another, I thought we could have a little fun with the subject.  My thoughts after the jump.

True Fan in Bad Times = This is the highest level of Fandom sometimes referred to as "Die Hard" fans.  These fans are mostly masochistic but also eternally optimistic.  They come in two basic forms:  Pie Eyed Pom-Pom Wavers who will cheer anything put in front of them and Bitchy, Whiny Perfectionists, who may lack math skills - as in any given week HALF the teams that play MUST LOSE.  Some True Fans, depending on their team's performance, start the week as the latter, but generally revert back to their eternally optimistic selves, setting themselves up for potential catastrophe each Sunday and a real bad hangover on Monday.

True Fan in Good Times = This is the second highest level of Fandom.  These fans are the hardest to spot, since they pretty much look like Band Wagoneers (see below) who add volume to the fan-base whenever the local team does well.  Ravens fans up until last Sunday come to mind.  The TFIGTs are identical to the TFIBTs, in that they will likely have a real bad hangover on Monday.  In this case, however, it is likely due to over celebration because their team somehow managed to cross an invisible plane at one end of a field more often than their hated opponents. 

But, you ask, "How do I spot the True Fan in Good Times amongst the Band Wagoneers?"  This is easy - just wait until the home team is up by 30 or 40 points (has happened, Skins Fans) late in the 4th Quarter.  True Fans in Good Times will still be in their seats cheering on the slaughter whilst the rest of the fan-base is rushing out the gate to get into their cars so they may get ahead of the rush - thereby creating a long, sinuous parking lot known as - The Rush.  True Fans also spend an inordinate amount of time each day endlessly reading and posting to any web site related to their drug team of choice.

Fair Weather Fans = This is the lowest level of Fandom and is just above being a non-football fan, which is several levels above being an actual fan (god-forbid) of an opponent.  Fair Weather Fans are often referred to as Band Wagon fans (or Band Wagoneers) in that once the going gets tough they are known to "jump off The Band Wagon."  To the True Fan, this is nothing short of treason, which may be exacerbated if the Fair Weather Fan decides to root for an opposing team.  It is doubly heinous if the opposing team is in the same division as your team.  It should be noted that Fair Weather Fans can honorably jump off The Band Wagon.  There are two ways to do this.  In the first method, you must disavow the sport of professional football for the remaining worthless years of your existence AND you must watch Figure Skating and Synchronized Swimming instead.  The second honorable method of removing oneself from The Band Wagon is referred to as ritual suicide, as in the hara kiri Japanese sports fans are so fond of.  Most Band Wagoneers prefer the latter method to having to watch Figure Skating and Synchronized Swimming.

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