Please grow a mustache, do it for Art Monk

For those of you unawares of the American Mustache Institute you need to get aware like fast. Reader(s) are well aware that despite my early trepidation with the AMI, their willingness to engage in an open debate about a subject of importance totally won me over (and a spot on Blog Show).

Their next big project is the: Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year Award.



What qualifies someone for this honor? A candidate could be:

  • a furry lipped teacher who was an important influence;
  • My Morning Jacket's Jim James or Weezer's Rivers Cuomo for reminding us of the days of Zappa;
  • a neighbor with a cookie duster who's always been a generous volunteer;
  • the New York Yankees' Jason Giambi for helping popularize the mustache in baseball in 2008;
  • a mustached fireman who was willing to sacrifice his life to protect others;
  • Keith Hernandez for winning the greatest sports mustache contest;
  • or, if he was an American - Daniel Day Lewis would be a candidate for becoming the first mustached ‘Best Actor' winner (Daniel Plainview in "There Will Be Blood") since Paul Newman in 1986.
  • And they're taking submissions. I'm torn because this team really does have some truly amazing 'staches (JASON CAMPBELL!), and I'm going to ask you guys to write in your own candidates below. But I have made one submission already: James Arthur Monk.

    (Click Below for more)







    My submission will go something like:

    Longest ovation in NFL Hall of Fame history? Sported the 'stache for decades even as he watched other less deserving (non 'stached) athletes get into the Hall of Fame, never once losing faith that his facial hair would be rewarded? Famous philanthropist? Cured cancer (pending, 2011)? Why even have a competition?


    The Good Samaritan Foundation.

    This is truly one of the greatest men to ever wear the Burgundy and Gold. This is truly one of the greatest men to ever sport the kind of facial hair that makes me want to karate chop an entire rain forest to death.

    Art Monk held himself like a mustache because he let his play do the talking. He never once broke down and said "You crazy HoF voters are nuts, nuts people, I deserve to be in there." In his tenure in Washington, he never said "Gimme the ball coach" or "Me me me me me" or "Look how great I am." He stood tall, earned his dollars both of the blue collar and non variety, and let the way he play do the talking.

    Similarly, a mustache doesn't need a self-promoter behind it to be strong. A mustache doesn't speak, even when some jokester is all like "Hey, why don't you go back to the 1970s and star in a porno!" and the mustache retorts while saying nothing: "Done." Time machine happens, zap, 70s skin flick here we come. Random jokester dies, authorities claim it was cardiac arrest. We know better; divine spite said NO, SON, THAT IS not HOW WE TALK TO MUSTACHE.

    This is actually very personal for me as I've decided, at 25 years old (though looking like I hit puberty a week ago) to not cut the hair above my lip until, at the absolute earliest, my Texas Tech Red Raiders lose a football game. I've already risked much -- my personal appearance... ok so maybe not much -- to be able to join those proud few who showed me the way towards greatness. Art Monk's facial hair is an inspiration to us all, man.

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