If Sarah Palin ran the Redskins


Amazingly Ahern did not get crucified for posting our thoughts on an Obama-led Redskins era, so as promised, we tried to sit back and think the same if Sarah Palin (God help us) took over control:

- Courtesy binoculars for everyone in the top 15 rows to keep an eye on Russia.

- Free Gun pamplets with the purchase of any beer or size childrens meal.

- Firing of Zorn and hiring of Deborah Harris (voted #1 hockey mom in Wasilla, AK).

- Lie detectors upon entrance to ensure incoming fan does not support health care for same sex couples.

- Green Lots A-C will be closed for 4 years for potential exploration of oil and natural gas.

- Redskins renamed to the Washington Mavericks.

- Neiman Marcus kiosks throughout stadium.

- New rule that no less than 75% of the salary cap must be spent on defense.

- Larry Michael's Redskins Report will be replaced by the "Snowin' High Mobile Report", Todd Palen's new half-hour show dedicated 100% to snow mobile racing as to generate interest across the East coast.

- Similar to how the Philadelphia Eagles show Sylvester Stallone before team intros, the Redskins will bring Joe the Plumber out to rile the crowd up.

- FedEx converts to full energy independence -- Every upper deck (low-income) seat comes equipped with a stationary bicycle apparatus that turns a generator to provide the necessary electricity.

- Moose and Venison burgers to replace hot dogs in all concessions.

Staff changes:
VP of Player Personnel: Vinny Cerrato (OUT), Todd Palin (IN)
Team Chaplain: Billy Graham (IN)
Cheerleaders Coach: herself
PR Director: Bill O'Reilly
Director of Security: PG County Police (OUT), Dick Cheney (IN)

Results: After a dreadful 2 years and 0-32, Redskins fold and Goodell OK's the team to move to Oklahoma City. (And no, the team is not renamed to the Bombers).

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