Tending to explode is a valuable NFL trait

by Skin Patrol on Mar 15, 2007 2:46 PM EDT in News

I've never thought of combustibility as particularly descriptive of any player's ability as a professional athlete, but I'm probably alone in that. If you're looking for a Washington Redskins post, scroll to the bottom for relevance. Really this is just a brief rant against NFL cliches.

Honestly with no tongue in cheek do I acknowledge the descriptive element of "explosiveness" to characterize NFL players. It implies a certain amount of speed and strength and awareness for the ball; or something like that, right? However, as with most things, words like "explosiveness" are best served moderately. With this in mind, I read (Hat tip: Blogging the Boys) this Bucky Brooks piece at SI on the Draft and couldn't help but question if this is an article without a single worthwhile observation. The entire thing is so plastered with cliches that they all lose meaning. No offense to Brooks, who for all I know might be an insightful NFL commenter; I just thought this particular piece was a bit uninspired. Emphasis added:

Adrian Peterson is an explosive and dynamic runner with outstanding speed and quickness.

Adams is a smooth, fluid athlete with explosive rush skills.

Note: Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. Plus Jason Campbell is like the only guy at school who has a mustache.

Adams is the better pick based on his explosiveness, production and game experience.

[Calvin Johnson] shows surprising explosiveness and polish as a route runner.

[Ted] Ginn is an explosive playmaker with outstanding speed and quickness. He is raw as a receiver, but his explosiveness gives him the chance to score from anywhere on the field.

After closely analyzing these prospects, Ginn is the pick because of his edge in speed and explosiveness and return skills.

[Darvelle Revis] lacks explosive top-end speed, but his instincts, awareness and ball skills keep him in great position down the field. Both players are best suited for zone heavy schemes, but Hall gets the nod because of his speed and explosiveness.

[Lawrence] Timmons is an explosive athlete with all of the physical tools to be an impact player on the next level.

[Paul Posluszny is n]ot an explosive athlete, he has the instincts, awareness and toughness that make him stand out on tape.

[Greg Olson] has all of the tools to be a difference maker in the passing game and his explosiveness makes him the pick over Miller.

As a general rule I like to operate with the Double D Literary Philosophy on "Explosiveness" (although I encourage Hogs Haven reader(s) to call me to task when I wane from this) -- the term is most illuminating when used merely to describe D.ynamite and D.iarrhea.

Repeating: No insult meant to Brooks (who again, for all I know, could be a great analysist. Better than yours truly, no doubt) but I just find vague adjectives to be little more than boring platitudes used to fill space. Wouldn't we be better served by intriguing similes? Examples:

1. He is raw as a receiver, but his explosiveness gives him the chance to score from anywhere on the field.
becomes...
2. He is raw as a receiver, but his combination of speed and strength and maybe some other stuff -- which is as acute as an undeniable surprise bowel movement -- gives him the chance to score from anywhere in the field.

Doesn't that leap off the page for you? Can't you just feel the words? I can, and I'll be right back.

Oh yes, Redskins related quotient... I think Sean Taylor is an explosive player with a combination of speed, athleticism, and ferociousness that makes him a threat to make big plays anywhere on the field. Even on the sidelines like, after the whistle is blown.

Update [2007-3-15 19:18:57 by Skin Patrol]: I double checked my archives and on three (!!!) separate occasions I referred to players or teams as "explosive". I'm ashamed of myself.

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So what does that say about...

those players who aren't explosive, like Poz on your list? That they are somehow lesser becuase the don't have the condition of possibly exploding. Maybe that denotes the second rounders from the first rounder players.

"Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported."

by TexSkins on Mar 15, 2007 4:37 PM EDT 0 recs

Hmmm

"Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported."

In the SI article it's like the exact opposite. Just a few players have the condition (or don't) of exploding though it is reported a dozen times.

Explosively good comment, though.

Go Register. Or else.

by Skin Patrol on Mar 15, 2007 5:19 PM EDT up 0 recs

I guess next time...

I'll cite my Spinal Tap quote...

by TexSkins on Mar 15, 2007 6:10 PM EDT up 0 recs

Don't think I didn't catch it.

Notice the ""s inside a quote box.

This Is Spinal Tap is one of my dad's favorite movies.

Go Register. Or else.

by Skin Patrol on Mar 15, 2007 6:17 PM EDT up 0 recs

Very funny

These draft sites seem more often than not to be copy and pasting from one another...

Bleeding Green Nation Philadelphia Eagles Blog

by JasonB on Mar 15, 2007 5:48 PM EDT 0 recs

I'll take credit

for propagating NFL cliches because I am positive that at some point I've used bromides to describe players. For instance, CP has the kind of breakaway speed that allows him to bla bla bla bla. That sounds like something I'd write.

My late New Year's Resolution is to not only catch myself while doing this (CP is either fast enough to run past defensive backs or else he isn't, and some player I'm comparing him to either is or isn't as well... why not distinguish players using substance?) and do my best to catch other writers when they do it. I frequently read analysis, even from credible sites and others, and think, "This tells us nothing about the player that I couldn't generate by stringing random positive cliches together."

I encourage others to do so as well.

Go Register. Or else.

by Skin Patrol on Mar 15, 2007 5:58 PM EDT up 0 recs