Weekly Viewing Guide

Sometimes life as an NFL fan can be trying: Waking up covered in your own vomit because you got slammed the night after a bad loss and also left your license at a bar not to mention your pants are gone and your bed looks a lot more like the back of a police cruiser than you remembered. And you can taste the pepper spray. MMMMMMM.

But even worse than that could be the horror you feel when watching Game X during the week without knowing who to root against while you try your damndest to maintain the naive hope of squeaking in the playoffs with a mediocre 9-7 record. Well here are the games I think matters and why you should root for/against these teams:

Arizona at St. Louis -- It would be mighty fine with me if Arizona decided to start winning games this week. St. Louis is a game up on us in the NFC and lead the division tie breaker by 1 win. A loss against Arizona (combined with a win for the Skins, which is inevitable) would make them a Redksinesque 5-7 with a 2-3 division record. None of that really matters because we beat them in a few weeks anyways All we really need is for the Rams to lose. Hogs Haven verdict: GO CARDS!

San Francisco at New Orleans -- Dilemma thy name is this game as San Francisco and N'Orleans are both above the Redskins. The Saints are in charge of the South right now and hopefully will remain there by beating up on everyone else in the division for the remainder of the season. The alternative is Carolina winning, and we already have a tie breaker against them (we'll have one against New Orleans when we beat them later in the season as well). San Francisco (how sad that we have to chase the 49ers) is ahead of us right now and will need to be leap frogged on the way to a wild card spot. Thus we are rooting for New Orleans to win this game and the south. Hogs Haven verdict: GO SAINTS! Also your humble host has a man crush on Drew Brees who could potentially break Dan Marino's Collegesque unbreakable 5,000+ passing yards in a season record.

Carolina at Philadelphia -- Well I just don't know on this one. A 7-5 Carolina team would be very difficult to catch in a wild card situation though we have the tie breaker with them. We'd need a 2-4 record for them to close out the season at 9-7. Given that they play the Giants, Pittsburgh (which is an unpredictable team) and then the Falcons and Saints on the road, I think that's possible. And since the Iggles are a division rival I just can't bring myself to root for them so... Hogs Haven Verdict: GO PANTHERS!

Minnesota at Chicago -- This is a no brainer. We aren't catching the Bears and we need a lot of help to leap frog the Vikings; they own the tie breaker against us. We need them to lose at least 1 more game, counting this one, to carry the wild card. I think Minnesota is due a losing streak at any moment (we should've beat them in week 1). Hogs Haven Verdict: GO BEARS!

Dallas at Giants -- This is a big game. While the Cowboys stock is steadily rising the Giants look in disarray. There's two competing strategies here: root for the Cowboys because they will eventually win division with Romosexual power or root against and hope they melt down. There's a potential Faustian bargain with a Giants win, as both teams might be beyond the reach of the Redskins. A plummeting Giants could conceivably be caught, but can the Cowgirls? Who the hell cares, it's the damn Cowboys! Of course I'm rooting against them. Here's to the Giants winning the division (since it's virtually impossible for us to do so) and we'd be one step closer to owning the Cowboys with a division tie breaker if they are 1-4 against the East. Hogs Haven Verdict: DUH, GO ANYONE BUT THE COWBOYS!

That's who I would root for and maybe you should too. Or not. Whatever, we're making the playoffs and I called it December 1st. Credibility (like I had any) can go to hell.

By the way the Redskins have the strongest strength of victory in the NFC. Here's to meaningless moral victory, Cheers.

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